Desperate Housewives

If you’d like to know what happened last week, by all means, go check it out.

Bob and Lee get a metal fountain/sculpture and all the neighborhood women simply hate it. They talk about who should be the new homeowners association president as they haven’t had one since Mary Alice killed herself four years ago. Has it been four years? Really? Dang. Anyhow, no one has wanted the job but Katherine nobly steps up to the plate. All it will take is an election and she can have that “atrocity” gone by the weekend. Susan thinks they should at least go talk to the guys about it first, but not her since they hate her. Bree is then nominated, simply because she has a gay son and can probably relate best to Bob and Lee. Next thing you know, the whole gaggle of them are confronting the men and Susan spurts out about how she loves art and their sculpture. Katherine lets them know it’s not appropriate for Wisteria Lane. Still, Bob insists that it will stay. Hence, war is declared. Slow day? Apparently, the sculpture is a rather noisy fountain as well. It wakes up Susan and Mike. She asks if they can move it to their backyard, Mike can’t sleep and he’s been working long hours. Some snide remarks are made by Lee about the racket coming from Susan’s house that they need the fountain to drown out.

Lynette delivers snacks to her kids in their treehouse and she receives a phone call from her doctor. What is the news? Her kids let her know she can’t talk about being sick up in the treehouse. Bree calls Danielle at the convent only to discover that she has left. Uh oh. Cat’s out of the bag. Now it is known that Phyllis sprung the girl. Edie wants to go golfing with Carlos, but he won’t let her. She gave him a gift. For what? Who knows. It’s monogrammed golfballs. But with her initials. Why? So everyone will know who his balls belong to. Ouch. Carlos touches base with Gaby, they make plans to meet at a hotel. She notices a cable van across the street that’s been watching her awful close. She figures Victor is having her tailed while he’s out of town, but she’s not going to call anything off. Instead, she poses as a young boy and takes off with a gaggle of neighborhood kids on their bikes. Har!

At the hotel, Gaby runs into John, of all the luck, and his girlfriend/wife/fiance Tammy (I think that was her name). Tammy is a bit in the family way. She makes a mention of him having “married up” so I guess they are married. She makes an excuse to them on why she’s at the hotel (spa weekend) before meeting up with Carlos. Bree stops in to visit Phyllis. And, of course, to grab Danielle and take her back to the convent. But Danielle insists that since she’s turning 18 that weekend, its her plan to stay with grandma and deliver her baby there. Oh, and she plans to keep the baby herself too. Bob and Lee try to campaign to get Lynette onto their side. They want her on their side, against the homeowner’s association otherwise Katherine might come after her and her treehouse. So, Lynette decides to go to the meeting after all. Where she asks Katherine if she’ll leave it all be after the fountain is removed. Which Katherine pretty much says that she won’t leave it be. Lynette decides to run against Katherine, and hopefully win.

Tom doesn’t approve of Lynette’s move. He doesn’t think she’s up to it in her condition. She wants to stand up for herself and this is her best way to do that, apparently. Over at the hotel, Gaby and Carlos are about to get hot and heavy when there’s a knock at the door. It’s John at the door. OOH. Not good. She wants Carlos to hide, which he does reluctantly. John then tells Gaby that he wants to start up their affair again. Lynette tries to get Susan to campaign for her, but Susan promised Katherine that she’d vote for her. BOO. Susan’s argument is thin, but then, the whole thing is pretty thin. Gaby tries to get rid of John, but he’s stubborn. He insists on reliving some of the “old times” with Carlos listening in. She practically pushes him out of the room. And Carlos is TICKED.

He’s upset that Gaby faked an orgasm with Carlos while John watched from the closet (one of the “old times” that was relieved). He wants to leave and does, but not before Gaby compares him to John. Both Katherine and Lynette campaign pretty heavily for votes around the neighborhood, making promises on both sides of the fence. Bree is upset that Danielle has developed a “maternal instinct”. Andrew snorts, Danielle doesn’t want the baby. She just wants to tick off Bree. And because grandma offers her a cushy life in the retirement community where she won’t have to work or go to school. Carlos pays a visit to John, friendly, he promises. Carlos tells John he has forgiven him for sleeping with his wife. John tells him that he fell in love with Gaby too and Carlos forgives him for that too. Why is he doing that? Because he knows what it’s like to love someone and forget the difference between right and wrong. Hmm. This sounds foreboding. At the Homeowner’s Association meeting, they’re going to vote and who wins? It’s a dead tie. Then Edie points out that Susan voted twice, which she did. She’s forced to pick, and so she goes with Katherine because she hates the fountain so so much. Susan pretty much comes out looking like crap, as usual.

Bree visits Phyllis, under the pretense of apologizing. They get Danielle alone and apologize to her as well. They point out not to overdo Phyllis, since she is old and prone to heart attacks. Plus, they point out living around a bunch of old people who will be her new friends. And who would want to give that up to go to college in Florida with a bunch of hot guys and drive a new convertible? All this is making an impression on Danielle who is looking like she might be changing her mind after all. Katherine shares a victory toast with Adam, or rather wants to but Adam is reluctant. He thinks she’s gotten a little out of line. He doesn’t think she’s doing a very good job of making them friends. Danielle is packed up and leaving Phyllis’ house, leaving Phyllis looking defeated. And Bree feels a little sorry for her, for what she has lost. She offers Phyllis a position as babysitter, so she and Orson can go out once in a while. Phyllis jumps at the chance. Carlos shows up at Gaby’s place, he wants to talk. He wants to “do the right thing” and end the affair. It’s not right. He wants them to each break up with their significant others. Then, wait maybe 6 months, and then get back together. Gaby is predictably resistant to this, but she admires his “good guy” self. They kiss goodbye, so that it will last six months. But, however, the cable guy across the street is snapping some photos of the clinch. Forgot about him, didn’t they?

Lynette watches her kids play in the treehouse while Susan comes and tries to apologize. She says she will stand up for Lynette and her treehouse when the time comes. Then Lynette makes her feel bad by telling her why the treehouse is so important. They make up and are friends again and none too soon because here comes Katherine. The treehouse can stay! It was “grandfathered” in, is her excuse. She wants to be a good neighbor, after all. Lynette is confused by the conflicting behavior. Bree is talking to someone, and it turns out it’s our “cable guy”. He was working for her, not Victor, it turns out. Katherine stops by to visit Bob and Lee who are resistant to remove the fountain. They tell her they know all about Chicago. So unless she wants the news unleashed to the neighborhood, the fountain must stay. Ooh, blackmail.

I’ve got another peek at what’s coming up on Sunday’s episode for you all again. And this one looks like a good one, with another visit from our favorite gardener, John. John is played by the fabulous Jesse Metcalfe, of course and has been greatly missed since he departed the show in the second season. You may recognize this week’s sneak peek from the promo that aired directly after last week’s show. If not, then you have a treat coming your way as this episode looks to be good and juicy.

First, like I said, John is back and wants to start things up with Gaby again. What will Carlos think of that? And what will Gaby’s reaction be? And who is that blond girl in the picture up there with John? Is that his girlfriend? Inquiring minds want to know!

Also, we’ll see the return of Danielle this week, I’m supposing at the hands of her grandmother, Phyllis. She’s listed on the roster of guest stars so I’m guessing Phyllis does bring little Dani back to Wisteria Lane. How will Bree and Orson hide her little… ahem, development?

As we noticed last week, Edie is on to Carlos and Gaby and this week, she becomes yet more aware of their little fling. What will her reaction be? Does she have anything to do with John’s renewed interest in Gaby?

In “new neighbor news”, Bob and Lee (so that’s his name!) have put up a water feature in their front yard and the residents don’t care for it one bit. In fact, the fountain causes quite a stir in the neighborhood. What lengths will be gone to, you have to wonder. If Susan is involved, everyone keep their dog and cat indoors!

Anyhow, watch the little promo below and tune in Sunday night to see all the juicy developments!

The ratings this week were good, even better than last week when they got clobbered by the big NFL game.  This week, the “Housewives” came out on top.  They had 17.8 million viewers for the night and were first in the 18-49 demographic, even against the football game the White Sox winning the last game of the pennant.  It seems this season is building up a good head of steam so far, and word about how good the episodes are is being spread.  This can only be good news, right?

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In other news, Eva Longoria has chosen to take her husband’s last name.   Now, I’m unsure whether this means she will be Eva Parker or Eva Longoria Parker.  So until I know for sure either way, I’m just going to keep calling her Eva Longoria.  Besides, Eva Parker sorta weirds me out and Eva Longoria Parker is too much of a mouthful.  According to the newlywed, “I actually completely adopted the new name and I love it - I’m a Parker now!  I love every bit of it - I like the tradition of changing the name.â€? Also, everyone’s been calling her Mrs. Parker down in Texas and she’s just loving that as well.

I can remember how it felt when I got married and changed my last name so I can appreciate how she’s feeling.  It is exciting and one more way to make your new union all that much more real.  So more power to her, it’s nice to see someone else (particularly a celebrity) get excited about the little things in marriage.

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That’s all the “Desperate Housewives” news for today.  After the Filipino furor, things seem to be finally dying down thank goodness so we can finally get back to some normal news around here.

Previously on “Desperate Housewives”… go read the recap if you really, really want to know.  The most important thing: Lynette got high and made a fool of herself in front of the whole neighborhood at a charades party.

We start out with Katherine’s Aunt Lilian coming home to die.  She’s agonizing about what happened all those years ago and wanting to tell Dylan what happened.  Katherine of course will have nothing of it.

Then we meet “Bob Hunter”.  Who hates living in the city.  He hates the bests that live there.  And, shock of all shocks, he and his gay partner decide to move to the suburbs.  Susan of course comes to introduce herself as they’re moving in and is rather obtuse to the notion that they’re gay at first.  And, of course, makes an ass of herself.  I’m saying “of course” a lot, aren’t I? Anyhow, my main point here is that it is no surprise that Susan makes an ass of herself.  That’s just what she does. Over at Bree’s house, Danielle is getting a delivery.  A shiny red scooter.  Besides it being a scooter, Orson and Andrew both love it while Bree wants to donate it to the church.  The men look horrified though Orson toes the line as best he can.  Lynette looks happy, having been off chemo for a week.  She’s feeling frisky again too.  Tom of course takes her up on it right away (there’s that “of course” again).  During “things” her wig slips and hijinks ensue.  She takes it off and Tom is kind of horrified.  Because, you know, she’s bald.   This is pretty funny.  Sad and funny.  I can understand how Tom feels though, that’s an AWFUL lot of bald.

Back from commercial, the girls are trying to talk Bree into having a baby shower.  She thinks it’s tacky when it’s not the first baby (oh please).  During this, Orson is hotdogging up and down the street on the scooter and inevitably crashes it.   Andrew overhears the shower pleadings and offers to “help”.  Susan feels bad for her bad first impression on the new neighbors so she heats up some cookie bars to take to them because she feels guilty.  And because she can’t stand it when someone doesn’t like her.  Bob’s partner (whose name escapes me) asks if they have nuts in them and she’s unsure because of course she didn’t cook them herself.  He wants to know because he’s deathly allergic.  He finds out her “charade” and sends her back home with her store-bought cookies.  Mission: Failed.  Lynette is agonizing about the whole wig/sex thing and Gaby assures her that hair is important to men and that she has the unique opportunity to change her hair every night if she wants.  Lynette is getting a “checkup” (I think it’s a gyno, but not Adam), and she finds out she has crabs.  Carlos is horrified.  Naturally, because now he has to tell Gaby.  And Gaby?  Has to tell Victor.  Uh oh.  Except it would appear that Victor might already be “invaded”.

Lynette introduces her “new look” to Tom.  She’s sporting a red wig and plunging neckline.  And Tom is on like white on rice.  Over at Victor’s place, “Nurse Gaby” makes her move.  She’s in a sexy outfit under the guise of putting this crabs medication on his “stuff”.  He keeps noticing the medicine-y smell and is a little alarmed at the intimidating looking comb.  Over at Susan’s house, Julie has found the new neighbor’s dog and Susan is excited.  She figures if she holds onto the dog for a while, then she can pose as a great rescuer and be loved once more.  And then, Bree is surprised by a baby “party” (not technically a shower, of course).  She’s less than thrilled.  Rex’s mom is there as well so Bree’s nightmare is complete.  Dillon is doing some homework and Katherine leaves for a trip to the bank, leaving her home alone with Aunt Lilith.  Who, of course, wants to spill the beans to Dillon.  But just before she can, Katherine shows up unexpectedly and puts the kibosh on THAT.  We wouldn’t want to know everything, now, would we?

Tom lets Lynette know that he’d like another visit from the “redhead” but their daughter apparently gave the wig a haircut and the wig is gone.  He’s pretty disappointed.  Susan’s new neighbor is looking or his dog and Susan gives the pretense of helping him look for the pooch.  At her shower, Bree is trying to ignore the barbs being tossed her way from her former mother-in-law.  The woman does seem like a trial.  Bree has terrible trouble with mother-in-laws, doesn’t she?  Before leaving, she goes to retrieve her sable coat which had been given to Bree earlier.  Of course, it’s in the closet that holds all of Bree’s faux bellies.  OOPS.  Cat’s out of the bag on that one!

The truth comes out about Danielle’s “boarding school” and Phyllis is actually thrilled because she’s going to become a great-grandmother.  Bree doesn’t want her hovering like a grandparent since this baby is going to be passed as hers and Orson’s.  Phyllis is outraged by this and takes the opportunity to criticize Bree’s child-rearing tactics.  Insults are exchanged until Bree tells Phyllis that Rex always dreaded her visits.  She is about to spill the beans to the shower guests before she rethinks herself and decides to leave instead.  Dang.  Susan is making a great impression on her neighbor with helping him look for the dog.  He’s genuinely appreciative.  He argues with Bob about the dog getting out while Mike gets home, opens the garage door, and the dog runs out and… Susan is in the doghouse again.  She’s got to knock that stuff off.  With Gaby and Carlos, it seems that disaster has been averted.  Until Edie and Victor make each other’s acquaintance.  She smells the medication on him and puts two and two and two together until she figures out about the affair.   Ha!

Tom has purchased Lynette a new wig to “play” with.  She’s a little insulted that he wants to pretend she’s someone else.  When in actuality it’s just a little role playing.   Really, she’s upset he doesn’t like her bald.  He admits he wanted an escape from HER.  From her sickness.  And, naturally, she gets a little snarky about “his problems” before they find some common ground.  Then she agrees to give the wig a new try.  Except, he wants to give “just them” a try.  Aww.  Susan feels bad, of course.  And now Mike has to buy his neighbor a new suit (a $2000 suit).  He’s pretty upset about it all and now HE’S mad at Susan too.  Should have let well enough alone.  At the convent, Phyllis stops by to visit Danielle.  She… wants to break Danielle out.  ACK.  Can’t be good.  Aunt Lilian wants to talk and Katherine coldly shuts the door on her.  Dillon wants to talk with her mother, in the meantime.  But Lilian isn’t look so hot.  She decides to try to write out a confession (or whatever it is) and then promptly dies.  Very poetic.  Will Dillon ever find the note?

Not only do I have some goodies about what to expect on Sunday’s show, but I have some spoilers for the weeks ahead as well. If you don’t want to be spoiled, I suggest you refrain from reading any further. If you don’t mind finding out some juicy tidbits a little early, by all means, read on.

Sunday’s show is titled “If There’s Anything I Can’t Stand”. That certainly sounds intriguing, doesn’t it? We get to see the long-awaited introduction of the “gay neighbors” we’ve been hearing about for so long. There’s a promo for the episode just below so you can see some of the juiciness for yourself.

Also, expect for someone to discover Bree’s little secret. Will they spill the beans?

Further down the line, Wisteria Lane doesn’t care for their new neighbors’ water sculpture. Edie discovers Carlos and Gaby’s affair; what will she do about it? Also, John the gardener is back and he wants to start things up with Gaby… again! Carlos walks out on Edie, FINALLY, while Susan discovers Mike’s father, whom she thought was dead. Expect to see an unexpected delivery at a Halloween party… why do I have a feeling they mean an ACTUAL delivery? Is Danielle returning to the neighborhood? Then, Tom gets in too deep with some woman named Sylvia and in a “Fatal Attraction” sort of fashion, she blows it out of proportion. And I’m thinking it’s in episode 9 that we’ll see a tornado threaten Wisteria Lane. Expect to see some casualties. The latest word I hear is that we can expect two characters to die in the twister. Sounds exciting!

That should take us clear up to December, nearly to the winter haitus. What are you thinking of this season so far? I’ve heard some very favorable reviews, it seems a lot of critics think “Desperate Housewives” is finally getting back to it’s hilarious roots. I don’t know about that, but I’ve been enjoying it so far.

It does seem like it’s been a while since Eva Longoria was last in a feature length film, doesn’t it?  I guess that’s why I wasn’t too surprised to see this next headline.  It looks like Eva has a new movie lined up and it’s a comedy.  The film, “Lower Learning” will be directed by Mark Lafferty who previously worked on the parody horror/comedy flick “The Seventh Sense”.  The basic premise is that of school officials investigating a school with the lowest test scores in the state.  Eva will be playing the role of one of the investigators and will discover all sorts of corruption within the school.  Jason Bigg’s is her co-star, as the vice principal of Barry Goldwater Elementary school.

Production will start on the film this week (maybe today, even!) and I’m unsure how this will work with Eva’s “Housewives” schedule but I’m sure she has it all figured out.  Expect to see the movie hit theaters later next year sometime.

Eva was previously in “The Sentinal” which came out in 2006.  Before that, she was in a variety of “B” movies and television shows.  According to her IMDB profile,  she has recently worked on a couple of other projects.  One, “Foodfight!”, providing voice work on what sounds to be an animated feature is in post-production and should be due out in 2008.  The other, “Over My Dead Body” is a romantic comedy in which Eva will play either a ghost or a psychic (I’m not sure which), but whichever it is, it’s a starring role.  This movie will be out early in 2008 and is already completed.

“Desperate Housewives” had quite a bit to contend with, ratings wise, on Sunday night.  Instead of being up against other sitcoms or dramas, they were up against football.  And not just one football game either, but two.  While “DH” easily beat out the Seattle Seahawks and New Orleans Saints game on NBC for it’s timeslot, it had a harder time vanquishing the New England Patriots and Dallas Cowboys game over on CBS.  The CBS game won the evening, what with being a showdown between two undefeated NFL teams and all.  Plus it went into overtime.  So that game ended up with a 10.4 rating/30 share for the evening (oh, and if you were wondering, the Patriots ended up winning the game).  The good news, however, is that “Desperate Housewives” was the top non-football program of the evening, bringing in a 7.3/17 for the evening and up quite a bit from last weeks bumpy ratings dip.  Last week, “DH” was crushed by the football game on NBC against the Bears and the Packers.  Those ratings even served well for “Brothers and Sisters” who gained some of the “Housewives” viewers and had decent ratings as well.

In other  “Desperate Housewives” news, the Filipino flap continues with a group of angry Filipinos (a chapter of the National Federation of Filipino American Associations or NFFAA) wants to sue ABC for $500 for what they consider to be a racist slur.  Not to diminish anyone’s feelings, but I’m surprised as heck that this is still news (and big news too, judging from my Google News alerts).  I thought apologies had already been made but apparently that isn’t quite enough.  Boy, I bet those writers are really regretting ever sticking that “joke” in there now.

Previously on “Desperate Housewives”:  Nothing really happened.  No, seriously.  I’m not even kidding.  Well, except for Carlos hiring a hitman.  That was cool.

We start off with Mary Alice waxing poetic about children playing together.  And how it’s like adults playing together.  Or some such silliness.  Susan wants to throw a “charades night” or something and no one really wants to go.  Then we’ve got Bree spreading the news of what she learned at Katherine’s house last on last week’s episode.  Except now they all want to go to the “charades night” because Katherine will be there and maybe they can get her liquored up and she might reveal something.  Sounds pretty flimsy.

Next we see Lynette’s mom cooking, which is apparently unusual.   She wants Lynette to get better.  Or actually, she wants Lynette to smoke marijuana.  I couldn’t make this up, people.  Mike is doing something handy in the garage, which is revealed to be making a crib.  From scratch.  Apparently, he’s a little excited, seeing as how Susan is still in the first trimester and all.  Susan comes to visit Bree, wanting the number of her obstetrician.  Of course, Bree doesn’t really have an OB, so she has to fib her way around it.  What does she do?  She writes down the number of a random doc from the phone book and hands it to Susan.  Cuz, you know, that’ll work.  Meanwhile, Katherine’s husband is flirting with some random neighborhood jogger and Katherine seems a little miffed by it.  Why do I keep forgetting his name?  Over at Gaby’s house, Carlos is getting dressed, ready to sneak out of the house.  Gaby is getting annoyed with the sneaking around.  He says he has a plan to get rid of her.  HA!  Yeah he does!  We come full circle to Lynette’s mom asking Andrew (yes, that one) to score her some pot for her daughter.  HA!

Orson alerts Bree to a phone call from the convent Danielle is staying at.  She fell while roller blading (yes, at 8 months pregnant).  She’s going to be examined to make sure the baby is fine, but in the meantime, she is to be sequestered in her room where she can take it easy.  Tom Scavo is all excited about charades night while Lynette is lackluster about going.  She’s not feeling so good, you see, with the chemo and all.  She’s far too competitive to just herself lose.  Andrew delivers “the goods” to Lynette’s mom so you know where this is going.  Susan is at the new doctor’s office only it’s totally skeeve city.  She’s afraid to even sit down in the chairs in the waiting room, it’s that bad.  The place sells lotto tickets.  Over at Lynette’s house, her mom has made some brownies.  Nope, not for the kids!  Heh.  She enlists Parker to deliver the brownies to Lynette, so she’d be assured to eat one.  Sweet, sweet victory.

Over at Katherine’s house, she’s getting ready to go to charades night with Adam (his name is Adam!)  Julie and Dillon are studying together and Dillon gives Julie the dish on what happened when she asked about her real day.   Julie wants to pick the lock on a room that apparently holds all the secrets.  And guess what?  Susan is late to her own charades night, due to being at an appointment in the hood.  Carlos mentions that Edie might be overdressed for charades.  She wants to announce her engagement at the party, he doesn’t want her to say a word.  She promises him she won’t say a word.  Then slips a giant ring on her finger.  Har.  Even Gaby and creepy mayor husband are going to the party.  Lynette is not at the party (yet), but Tom is there and ready to get busy.  Bree is drilling Katherine about her ex-husband and Gaby joins in until Katherine lowers the gate on the whole thing.  Edie comes striding in and immediately flashes the ring, which Bree notices right off.  Gaby is noticeably upset while Susan comes walking in.  She grabs Bree and away they march, Susan doesn’t look too happy.  Meanwhile, Gaby is pissed at Carlos and confronts him about it.  She tells him they’re through and that she can have any guy she wants.   Carlos then confronts Edie, but knows he can’t do much.  Yet.  In the kitchen, Susan is going off on Bree about the doctor.  Why did she send her there?  Bree says she can’t tell her.  Susan is plenty pissed.  Carlos is bitching on the phone with his hitman about how out of control Edie is.  Gaby flirts with Adam purposefully in front of Carlos.  Which works when Carlos smashes a glass.  And Katherine is mad too.  He “learned nothing” from Chicago, apparently.  There’s definitely friction there.  Edie tells Katherine then about Gaby’s reputation in the neighborhood.  Then, the games get underway.  There’s some strategic team selection going on.  Over at Lynette’s house, she’s cracking up watching Spongebob Squarepants.  Brownies kicked in!  Over at Katherine’s house, Julie is breaking into the “secret room” and Dillon is all impressed with her lock picking abilities.  Lynette shows up at the last minute.  She’s all nuts and everyone’s jaws are practically sitting on the floor.  She kicked over a lamp, ya’ll.

Charades is well underway and Lynette is up.  Unfortunately, she doesn’t do as well as she might normally.  She sorta drops the ball.  The clue was “Hang ‘em High” which she eventually got, but at the expense of any feelings Edie might have had.  Lynette’s mom shows up and she tells Tom about the brownies.  Tom has to go rescue the brownies from everyone in the room who has been helping themselves.  Gaby is knocked into Adam and she tries to help clean him up (spilt wine and all) and Katherine climbs all over her back.  It gets into a “who’s reputation is worse” contest until Gaby tells her about Bree seeing Katherine slap her daughter.  Katherine then says he did the worst thing a father can do to his daughter before storming out.  Everyone is pretty much aghast (except Lynette who is still pretty high).

Gaby talks to Victor about the whole “gardener” thing, hoping he’s not too upset.  He doesn’t want the news to get out and damage his political career.  You know, you think he would have researched his wife a little better before marrying her if it mattered that much.  Over at Katherine’s house, Dillon and Julie are sitting in “the room” and speculating when Katherine butts in and breaks up the party.  She doesn’t want Dillon to see Julie any more.  Orson tells Bree that the phone call from the convent said that fall Danielle had caused a placental abruption.  We don’t know what this means for the baby.  So they go rushing off to be with Danielle.  Susan is left unfulfilled.   Gaby kisses Carlos and then slaps him.  The slap was for letting Edie think they were engaged.  They’re back on because she loves that Carlos gets upset about losing her.  Unlike Victor.  Carlos touches base with his hitman.  It might take a week or two, but it’ll happen.  Ah, turns out he’s not a hitman, but a public accountant.  Dang.  That’s too bad.  Victor makes some comments about “making someone disappear” if they cheat on his wife.  Carlos gets the message and you start to feel a little bad for the guy.  I mean, it looks like he’s under an amazing amount of pressure here.

Orson gets another call.  After a tense minute, we find out Danielle is fine.  The baby?  I have no idea.  But Bree is definitely relieved.  The Scavos return home and Lynette confronts her mother.  Her mom just wanted her to feel better.  She doesn’t get why Lynette is making such a big deal about it.  Apparently, her mom was stoned throughout Lynette’s entire childhood and she doesn’t want to do that to her children.  She’s not sorry, she wanted Lynette to feel better.  She warns her not to do it again and she promises she won’t. End of story.  Bree is reflecting on her evening when Susan comes over, bearing cake and calling a truce.  Bree apologizes for snapping at Susan.  Susan just wants to know what’s going on.  Bree tells her there have been some complications with the baby and she thought she might lose it.  And she was still dealing with that.  They bond over the anxiety and terror they’re feeling during their “later life” pregnancies.  Cute.  Katherine is boxing up all the “memoirs” from the secret room.  Besides, Katherine’s invalid aunt is going to stay in that room.  Adam calls her on what she said at the party.  She said it so no one would ask questions.  So what DID her ex-husband do?  Katherine pulls up a rug and reveals a small gash in the hardwood there.  Then she cries.  Oooookay.  Cuz that’s not cryptic at all.

It’s been a weird news week for “Desperate Housewives”. Much of the news out there has been about the Filipino med school “joke” in the premiere episode and the resulting furor. It’s been hard to find new news to dish up to you, so I apologize for that. But today, I have something fun for you all to enjoy. It’s a sneak peek at Sunday’s episode, showing us a juicy scene or two from the show.

Most importantly, we’ve got Edie flashing her engagement ring right in front of Gaby. Is there no end to her stinker-ness? Gaby is predictably annoyed and confronts Carlos who says he never got her a ring, but doesn’t deny the engagement. It looks as though this is all during a party, perhaps being held at Bree’s house (though I couldn’t tell for sure, all those houses look the same to me). For some reason, Susan was dressed far more casually than everyone else and had urgent business with Bree that we didn’t get to see the result of. I’ve read a press release that indicates that this is a charades party that Susan has thrown for the entire neighborhood (in which case, that would make it Susan’s house wouldn’t it?), but then why is everyone else so dressed up? But this would explain why the episode is titled, “The Game”.

As with all sneak peeks and promos, this particular snatch of video has only served to whet my appetite concerning Sunday’s episode. I only want to watch the episode more, to see what all happens. But I’m sure that was their plan in the first place when they released it, right? Watch for yourself and see what you think. Are you just not dying for Sunday’s show or what?

While the news that Eva Longoria has been asked by “Desperate Housewives” producer and creator Marc Cherry not to have any children right away isn’t exactly new, the details have been sketchy until now.  For Eva to get pregnant, and to have that pregnancy written into the show (which it would virtually have to be because of Eva’s slender frame and the show’s propensity towards showing off her curves), would destroy a years worth of plot lines for her character, Gaby.  Right now, she’s supposed to be growing, confused with who she is and where she is going and there’s no room in the storyline for the sudden responsibility of parenthood.  Eva is reportedly anxious to start a family with her new husband Tony Parker, but is willing to wait the year she promised to Cherry in order to better serve the show.

She has been quoted as saying, “Tony and I are excited about starting a family, but because Marc has forbidden me to get pregnant this year we’re going to spend time as a married couple and build a solid foundation together before we bring our child into the world.”  Which is really a good plan for the newlyweds.  Get to know one another and enjoy one another before adding the dimension of parenthood to your resume.  And who knows, maybe this means in a year’s time that Gaby (and Eva, of course) will be sporting a pregnancy bump and a fantastic storyline to go along with it.  All I can say is I hope it’ll be Carlos’ baby.

Well this is happy news indeed! Ricardo Antonio Chavira confirmed himself on “Entertainment Tonight” monday evening that he and longtime girlfriend Marcea Dietzel were married in a small, private ceremony on September 22 in San Antonio, Texas. I’m assuming that’s her in the photo at the right there, but the photo credits simply said “Ricardo Antonio Chavira and Guest” so your guess is as good as mine. If it has slipped your mind somehow, Ricardo plays Carlos Solis on “Desperate Housewives”, ex-husband to Eva Longoria’s Gabrielle, and he has been dating Marcea for many years.  In fact, they have a 4 year old son between them, Thomas, who acted as a best man and ringbearer during the wedding.  It was a very informal affair, Chavira and Dietzel wore their pajamas during the ceremony and attended their son’s soccer game in liu of a wedding reception.  What a stark contrast to the fanfare and pomp and circumstance surrounding Eva Longoria’s wedding this last summer to Tony Parker!  Somehow, the smaller, more intimate wedding sounds a lot more romantic to me.  I wish Ricardo and Marcea the best of luck in the future and hope this is the beginning of a beautiful life together.  While Carlos seems to have nothing but women trouble on “Desperate Housewives”, obviously Ricardo has things under control and is a happy, happy man right now.  And Ricardo, way to keep things under wraps!  There are other celebrities who could take a page out of your book on how to keep the private things private!

Previously on “Desperate Housewives”:  A lot of stuff happened.  SERIOUSLY.  I’m not going to go all into it again.  Cuz it’s just too much.

Now: There’s a “crime wave” on Wisteria Lane where barbecues are being turned over and clean laundry being trampled.  The horror.   Turns out, the culprit is Carlos, on the way home from a hot affair with Gaby.  She wants him to “boot the bitch”, but well, he doesn’t really relish being blackmailed.  Not that he’s telling her that.  They narrowly escape being caught by Edie, but Gaby quick talks her way out of it.  In Carlos’ mad dash to get home before Edie, the “crime wave” occurs. Heh.

The gals gossip about Dillon and her strange amnesia.  Catherine comes up, calls them out on gossiping, and suggests they do something (a lunch) for Lynette.  Then Bree and Catherine fought over who was bringing desert.  Apparently, Bree ALWAYS makes desert.  And Bree just wasn’t going to let it go.  It’s a battle for perfection.  This can only get uglier.  Meanwhile, Lynette is getting her chemo treatment.  Tom is being a little sappy about Lynette’s ordeal.  He wants her to feel good, so bad that he lets her win at cards.  So what does she do?  She kicks him out of her treatment.  She wants him to distract her, not depress her.  Poor Tom.  It’s Edie’s birthday and she bought herself a car.  A present from Carlos!  Except, Carlos says he can’t afford it.  She wants him to use his offshore account and he can’t do that because, you know, it being all illegal and secret and all.  She goes to return the car and has the idea for the perfect gift, right in his price range.  Uh oh.  Susan drops in on Catherine and we get “Flashback City”, where we see the day Catherine was leaving Wisteria Lane.  Susan and Mary Alice were befuddled at Catherine’s abrupt departure.  Back in present day, Susan tries to ask about the circumstances surrounding the departure but is summarily dismissed.  Mysterious? Or just plain rude?  Your call!

Mike is alarmed at how much Susan is eating.  He even says the “F” word (fat!) in front of her, which shows either how bold he is or how stupid he is.  Take your pick.  And Julie wants to go to a party at a friend’s house and Mike doesn’t think it’s a good idea.  This becomes something of a bone of contention between them and Julie says she can go since her mom already told her she could go.  Susan, realizing she has to side with someone, sides with Mike.  Julie is peeved and this only serves to make her madder at Mike.  Ahh, stepchildren.  Dillon meets Mrs. McCluskey and of course doesn’t remember her.   She makes a comment about Dillon’s dad and she’s surprised.  As far as she knew, her dad died or left when she was little.  But, apparently not?  The gals all gather for Lynette’s tribute dinner.  However, there is something wrong with Bree’s pie.  It’s not hers, she insists.  Yeah, it’s Catherine’s.  She snuck hers in.  Oooh, that’s dirty.  And meanwhile the attention is completely stolen from Lynette.  Nice one, ladies.  Lynette tells them about kicking Tom out for being sappy.  She needs a new chemo buddy.  All the girls step up to the plate and offer themselves.  Except Gaby that is.  And no one is surprised.  Are they?

Orson is appraised of Catherine’s pie incident.  Bree is furious, as you can expect.  Orson is possibly the only man alive who could understand and sympathize with Bree.  According to her, this is war.   Her identity is being stolen and Bree is having a crisis.  Lynette confronts Gaby about her lack of volunteering for chemo buddy.  Gaby admits that she doesn’t like hospitals and that’s why she didn’t step forward.  Lynette sees it almost as a test of their friendship and Gaby is unable to back down once that line is drawn in the sand.  Over at Susan’s house, she talks to Julie about the whole party thing.  She’s going to let Julie go (BOO!) as long as she doesn’t tell Mike that Susan changed her mind.  Of course, this will NOT help the stepfather/daughter relations anyhow.  Way to undermine there, Susan.  Bree drops in on Catherine, to bring her a housewarming gift.  It’s a recipe for mincemeat pie.  She asks for the lemon meringue recipe in return and Catherine tells her she doesn’t share that particular one.  Nasty!  Bree insists that Catherine is trying to get off on the right foot with her.  Catherine out-smiles Bree in this round, and you can see Bree rapidly unwinding before our very eyes.

Susan has a big surprise for Mike.  What is it?  Lingerie!  And big boobs.  He’s impressed.  They’re getting it on when Mike brings up Julie and the party.  Uh, timing?  Maybe Mike IS stupid.  Mike mentions driving by that very night and seeing the party was downright out of control.  Susan is of course very upset by this news and offers to run out and get whipped cream.  She grabs a coat and off she goes.  Yeah, he’s definitely stupid.  Carlos presents Edie with a birthday cake and she gives him a card.  It says YES!  The question?  “Will you marry me, Carlos Solis?”  It’s affordable, after all.  She’s doing this for him.  She couldn’t testify against him if she was his wife.  TOTALLY blackmailing him.  So, he says yes.  Or rather, “Fine”.  Dude, you got yourself in DEEP here.  Over at the raging party, Dillon and Julie are talking about this mysterious dad thing.  Susan drops by at that very minute.  And guess what, the birthday boy thinks she’s the hired stripper.  LOL!  Susan finds Julie toute suite and demands to take her home.  She takes Dillon with her while she’s at it.   Julie all indignant about it, as most teenagers are about such things.  Besides, she was drinking orange soda, not beer!  Ugh.  Teenagers.

They get home and Julie is all in a snit.  She’s confused.  Of course she is because consistency is a foreign word to Susan.  You can’t blame Julie too much.  She wants Susan just to make a decision and stick to it.  She promises to be honest from now on.  Except for explaining to Mike where she picked Julie up from.  Mike, of course, calls her on it because apparently he’s not THAT stupid.  So then Julie and Mike bond over shared indignance over Susan’s lies.  Oh HA! She tries to explain to Mike why she’s been so wishy washy.  And he’s pretty understanding.  And he tells her in no uncertain terms that the new baby is going to be a different matter, because he’ll DEFINITELY get a say with that one. Over at the hospital, Gaby is being a poor chemo buddy.  Apparently, not so good at distracting Lynette.  She’s definitely distracted by the surroundings.  Lynette tries to instigate gossip while Gaby keeps trying to come up with reasons to leave the room.  Lynette is obviously hurt by this.  She wonders if Gaby cares at all.  She tells her to go ahead and go.  Gaby looks about ready to and then she shares the story of her father.  He had cancer too, apparently.  It’s a pretty sad story.  And kinda explains why Gaby has a really hard time in the hospital and around cancer in general.  Aww.  Okay, Gaby is redeemed.  At least on the chemo buddy thing.

Dillon looks through a neat little scrapbook her mother made for her and notices a distinct “cutting out” of her father in a picture.  And Bree is determined to find out Catherine’s secret recipe.  Unable to find it herself, she was going to just use her key (cuz of course she has a key to everyone’s house), and let herself in and steal the darned thing.  Something tells me Catherine will have thought of this.  And… she has.  There’s a padlock on the recipe box.  So she visits Mike really quickly.  And borrows some bolt cutters.  LOL!  Dillon is confronting her mother about her father as they come home and while Bree is in the act.  She hides and listens in on the argument.   Catherine rewards Dillon’s curiosity with a slap.  Husband #2 is a bit on the disapproving side.  Bree leaves, sans recipe but armed with her illicit knowledge.  She runs home and tells Orson.  Like any good wife.  Carlos drinks a beer at the local establishment and commiserates his troubles to… a hitman.  HA!  There’s a chemo party going on at the hospital, organized by Gaby herself.  Everyone gathers together for a group picture and even looks somewhat happy together.  Sort of.  You know how it is.

Some of you may have heard that Teri Hatcher published an autobiography a couple years backed called “Burnt Toast” that detailed her life, relationships and discussed a particularly painful event from her youth.  Well, the word is that Hatcher has sold her story to be made a television series.  The show would follow the main character through the ups and downs of her career in Tinseltown as well as her navigating various and sundry relationships.  It doesn’t appear to be known whether Hatcher would play herself in the series or not.  Judging from the success and hectic schedule of “Desperate Housewives”, I would guess not unless this series is delayed until after “Housewives” is finished off here in several years.

I’m not sure how seriously to take this story, as it does sound rather incredible.  But then again, knowing how Hollywood works and the way television shows get made, I can almost see this happening.  The question is: would it be a sitcom or an hour-long drama?  I want to say sitcom, as it sounds as if the story could be rife with humor (maybe I’m projecting Susan Mayer here) and there could be quite a bit of slapstick and physical comedy.  However, according to Hatcher, “It shows how not to go down the dark rabbit hole of pain and how to pull yourself out of there.”  That to me sounds like hour-long drama, doesn’t it?  Not too much comedy there (though maybe a touch here and there as most hour-long shows are not without their amusing moments).  This would be especially true if the series touched on the dark moments from Hatcher’s past that were detailed in the book. 

All this is speculation of course.  I’ll be interested to see what comes of this story.

This gets filed under: Be careful what you joke about on TV, because someone is going to get upset.  On Sunday night’s episode of “Desperate Housewives”, there was a joke made regarding the quality of a Philippine medical education.  Only, no one is laughing now because now we’ve got some angry Filipinos who want an apology from ABC and the show’s creators.

In case you’re missing what scene I’m referring to, think back to when Susan went in to see the gynocologist (who ended up being her new neighbor, the fabulous Nathan Fillion).  She was told by him that he thought she might be entering menopause as an explanation for her strange hormone levels.  Susan was enraged at the mere suggestion and fired back with, “OK, before we go any further, can I check these diplomas? Just to make sure they aren’t, like, from some med school in the Philippines?”

This prompted many viewers to call in to ABC to complain and as of last night, there were no less than 30,000 names attached to an online petition calling for ABC  to apologize.  Part of the petition read, “A statement that devalues Filipinos in healthcare is extremely unfounded, considering the overwhelming presence of Filipinos and Filipino Americans in the medical field.”

ABC responded on Wednesday with a statement, “The producers of `Desperate Housewives’ and ABC Studios offer our sincere apologies for any offense caused by the brief reference in the season premiere. There was no intent to disparage the integrity of any aspect of the medical community in the Philippines.”  There was even rumblings about the episode being edited to remove the “joke”.

Sounds like a good plan, as this got quite a few people riled up.  The story even topped the news shows in the Philippines and was splashed on newspaper headlines.  Sounds as though ABC made some big mistakes indeed and maybe a more substantial apology is in order.

Rumors were flying around the internet on Tuesday about a reported sex tape starring Eva Longoria and her new husband Tony Parker.  Word was, this tape was available (or would be made to) on a pay adult site.  Sounded a little fishy, when I first heard it (which is why I reported on ratings instead).  Everything I’ve heard of Eva and Tony since their wedding back in July has led me to believe this couple is actually quite a bit on the conservative side.  Which is why I found it difficult to believe Eva had gone the route of Paris Hilton and made a sex tape.

Turns out?  I was mostly right.   Apparently this tape is the latest spoof to make it’s way to Will Ferrell’s website Funny or Die.  Remember that hysterical video of him arguing with his two year old drunkard landlady?  Yeah, that’s the site.

Longoria spoke to radio DJ (and all around entertainment czar these days) Ryan Seacrest about the video yesterday, saying, “I’m so amused. It’s so funny. Oh my gosh. I’ve gotten like 100 calls on it saying it’s so hilarious.”  Where did this idea come from? “We’ve got this comedian called Perry Hilton, who does everything that Paris Hilton does. If you go on there, he’s gotten a DUI. He goes out clubbing … So, they go, ‘We want to do a sex video in that night vision – kind of like the one she did.’ “  Okay, that sort of makes sense.  And you have to admit, it’s pretty clever.  The marketing for this (and as it happens, the Funny or Die website) was genius.  Get the internet and celebrity hounds buzzing and speculating first and then spill the beans.

If you’d like to take a look at the video yourself, you can check it out right here: http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/5216488a3b

Let’s hope we see more spoofs like this show up on Will’s genius site.  I love it when celebrities don’t take themselves (or each other) too seriously.