Desperate Housewives

Good morning, everyone. Well, after some technical difficulities, I’m here and ready to recap the episode. And what an episode it was… I’m gonna take a slightly different approach with the recap this week, so bear with me. As the episode opens, Bree is confronting Edie about her kiss with Orson as McClusky, Carlos and a Scavo kid look on. You don’t actually hear what they say. You just see it with the scene focusing mainly on the other’s reactions to it. It ends with Bree slapping Edie and walking away. Later on, Edie is showing a house to some clients. While one is inside with Edie, Bree walks over and tells the other buyer all kinds of bad things about Edie. Edie is furious and decides to go to Orson to get Bree to back off. Orson, by the way, has his own problems. Bree won’t let him see Benjamin, saying he’s not related to the child anyway and it’s not right now that they’re not together for him to pretend he’s the father. Especially since he gave Edie “a dental exam with your tongue”. Orson later goes home and speaks to a lawyer, planning to meet him with a detailed account of exactly what’s been going on as soon as he gets out of the shower. Edie picks this moment to show up and, finding the door unlocked, walks in. She demands that Orson get out here and talk to her about what Bree is doing. While waiting, she sees the notepad Orson used to detail everything about the baby and tells him to never mind. She knows how to deal with Bree now. Edie shows up at Bree’s house, sweet as pie, going on about a new buyer that will pay more money than the one Bree chased away. Bree says she’ll just have to get rid of them, too, but Edie disagrees. She tells Bree she knows the whole story and is going to spill unless Bree is nice to her and bakes stuff for her house showings. Obviously, Bree was not too happy with that plan, because she goes to the others and confesses the whole story, including the blackmail part. The others are shocked at Edie and admire Bree trying to protect her daughter. They agree that Edie’s gone too far and they’re going to deal with it. They walk together to Edie’s house and inform her that from now on, she is invisible to them. Not only that, they are going to let everyone know just what kind of person she is. Edie tries to make nice but they won’t listen. Edie decides to leave town for a bit to spend more time with her kid.

Meanwhile, the Solis’ are loving their new roomie, Ellie. Gabrielle mentions that they don’t fight at all now that she’s in the house. Carlos is even going out for walks with her while Gabby stays home. He says that he likes walking with Ellie because she won’t “let me get hit with tree branches.” Gabby teases that Ellie is spoiling him. Right after they leave, a smoke alarm goes off in Ellie’s room. Gabby runs to the door and yells out to Ellie the door is locked, but they’ve already gotten too far away to hear, so Gabby takes the spare key and walks in, finding a stick of incense still burning but no fire. Gabby tries to get the battery out, but ends up dropping it on the ground. It rolls under the bed. As Gabby reaches down to get it, she finds drugs hidden there. As soon as Carlos gets home, Gabby tells him what she found. He asks if she’s sure and she delivers the model in the 90s response I mentioned before. He wants to go to the cops, but Gabby isn’t sure. Ellie has become a friend to them. Carlos doesn’t care, however, cause he’s still on probation and can get in a whole lot of trouble for harboring a dealer. Gabby finally agrees to go to the police. As they’re talking to one of them, a familiar face walks in. It’s an undercover cop that Gabby had seen at the house talking to Ellie. Turns out, they’re on to her and have been biding their time until they can get the information they need to bust her supplier. Gabby isn’t too thrilled with the idea of participating in the set-up until it’s pointed out Carlos could be thrown back in jail if they don’t. Later on, as they’re waiting for Ellie to come down to eat, Gabby starts getting more uneasy again. Especially when Ellie presents her with a bunch of flowers for being nicer to me than my mom was . You can just see Gabby cursing herself over that one.

There’s plenty more afoot in Wysteria Lane. Susan and Mike, for example, are dealing with his mom, Adele. Turns out, Mike’s been making little comments to her about Susan’s housekeeping and all and Adele is more than happy to make jokes about it all. She even gives Susan a book of recipes and insists on teaching her how to cook properly for Mike. Susan goes along at first, but gets more and more annoyed with Adele’s comments. When Adele keeps it up during a dinner out, Susan tells Mike to start defending her or else while Mama’s in the bathroom. He agrees, but doesn’t quite deliver. Susan is so desperate to get away from her (not to mention avoiding a three-week stay to clean together) that she fakes labor so they can leave. As Susan and Mike leave, Susan confesses what she did and Mike finally realizes he has to do something about his mom. Ironically enough, when he does crack down on her later, Susan ends up really going into labor. Lord help that kid….

Now, we come to Katherine and Dylan. Katherine wants to leave town and get away from Wayne, Dylan’s father. Dylan refuses, saying Katherine can do what she wants, but she’s staying right here with her dad. Later on, Wayne shows up, trying to win Katherine over again. She refuses and lets him know that she cheated on him often and Dylan isn’t his, so there is no need for him to come to her recital. Wayne doesn’t buy it and steals a piece of gum that Dylan left outside so he can get it DNA tested. When the tests come back and exclude him as the father, he gets upset and goes home to watch home movies and drink. One of the home movies features Dylan showing off her stiches and talking about how they didn’t hurt at all. Later on, when Dylan comes over, he notices so scar on either arm and orders her to leave.

Finally… the Scavos. This plot really made the episode in my opinion. Their story this week begins with Tom and Lynette inviting a therapist in the house. Lynette wants the therapist to focus on Kayla, but he wants to look at the whole family. He even asks Lynette if she loves Kayla. Lynette answers that the situation is complicated and she’s treating Kayla well. The therapist says that’s not what he asked and believes that part of the problem is Kayla is picking up on Lynette’s attitude. He thinks they should spend more time together and try to bond. So, Lynette goes along with the plan and takes Kayla on a shopping trip. Kayla is her usual charming self, demanding Lynette buy her an expensive top and a corn dog. Lynette gives in on the shirt, but tells Kayla she will get her something healthier than a corn dog if she’s hungry. Kayla immediately goes back into creepy kid territory by telling Lynette she’d better do what she says or she won’t be happy with what happens. Personally? I would’ve said How about I put you over my knee right here? Would you be happy with that? Lynette doesn’t though. Instead, she asks Kayla if she’s threatening her. Kayla mentions the stunt from last week and wonders aloud what she can get Penny (the barely out of her toddler years kid) to do. Lynette slaps Kayla for that remark, and instantly feels bad about it. She even apologizes. Still, she makes it very clear to Kayla that what she said was completely wrong and out of line. The next scene with the Scavos has the kids, sans Kayla, bringing Lynette breakfast. Lynette comments on Kayla’s absence after the others leave. Tom says that she’s still upset and actually has the nerve to act angry with Lynette himself. Lynette agrees she wasn’t 100% right in what she did, but he didn’t hear what Kayla said. Tom doesn’t seem to care, taking away any like I ever had for him. Take him to the cleaners in Divorce Court, girl. The Scavo story for the week ends with Kayla calling the therapist and claiming she gets abused by Lynette. She adds that she doesn’t feel safe there and needs help. As she hangs up the phone, she turns on the TV and gets that trademark evil smile going. And, as always, the episode ends with a Mary Alice monologue about mothers and celebrating what they do for us. And on that note, I say see y’all next time with much more!

Good morning, everyone! Since a new episode airs this weekend, I thought I’d take a look at the new promo today. Before you view it, why not check out a recap of last week’s episode?

They may have been sidelined by a strike, but the Housewives have come back really strong in the last few weeks. Based on that promo, this week is going to be no exception. All the elements are in place for a great one. Apparently, Gabby either decided to snoop or wants to borrow something and ends up coming across the mystery drawer. This leads to my favorite quote of the entire promo: “Carlos, I was a fashion model in the 90s, I know cocaine!”

The Scavos apparently have some more trouble with Kayla while celebrating Mother’s day. I’m basing this on the clip of Lynette asking someone “are you threatening me” after Kayla is shown looking down a stairway. If she does, I wanna see Tom justify not taking the kid to a therapist now. Especially after what happened with Parker.

Edie and Bree apparently are going to get into a war over the Orson kiss. Wonder if Bree’s gonna recruit Katherine to help her out? If so, I really wouldn’t want to be Edie.

I’m not so sure about the Susan going into labor thing, though. I mean, have you seen Susan at all? I don’t even want to imagine her in charge of a helpless baby. It’s a miracle Julie ever made it out of her own babyhood.

Well, that’s about it for now. Stay tuned, because later on I’ll be back to tell you all about James Denton’s and Marcia Cross’ talk show appearances. Til then, take care!

Hello, everyone! I’m Jamie and I’ll be talking Desperate Housewives with you all. Since we just had a new episode last night, I want to use my first post to recap it for you. Look for new posts earlier in the day starting tomorrow. And now… I give you “Opening Doors”.

The episode opens with Bree yelling at Orson for attempting to kill Mike. She says the only way she’ll be able to forgive him for what he did is if he turns himself in. He refuses, since the Statue of Limitations hasn’t run out yet on it. Now, I normally love Bree but I think it’s funny that she’s suddenly gotten all moral about covering up crimes since she didn’t tell anyone about Andrew running over Mama Solis…

Speaking of the Solis family…. Since Gabby and Carlos are having money problems, they decide to rent out one of their rooms. While one of the candidates is being interviewed, they start arguing over the other people they interviewed and whether or not Carlos rubbed up against one of their arms. Surprisingly, the potential roomie is amused by this and agrees to move in.

Meanwhile, the Scavos are dealing with the arson fallout. The twins are being punished, but Tom wants them to go to therapy as well. Lynette disagrees with this. Funny how Tom’s kinda becoming the strict one here since he’s usually more laid-back. Later on, Lynette will be the one arguing for therapy for Kayla, while Tom disagrees.

In a move only Susan can manage, she ends up signing up for the same Lamaze class her ex is in. Julie runs back in after having dropped Susan off to warn her she spotted them. Naturally, the new woman is Miss Perfect and Susan is feeling totally inadequate and wanting to show them up. Carl, of course, can’t get enough of bragging about his new job and how great his life is.

Meanwhile, Dylan wants her curfew extended, but Katherine refuses. She tells Dylan she’ll only do that if she gets to meet this guy. Dylan refuses, saying she’s not ready to have her mom meet him yet and agrees to be home by ten. The guy, of course, is Dylan’s dad.

Back at Casa Solis, Gabby needs a nail file. After being stupid enough to ask Carlos if he’s seen it, she decided to borrow one from their new roomie, Ellie. Gabby knocks on the girl’s door and is surprised to see a man there. She says what she wanted isn’t important and she’ll talk to her tomorrow. Gabby then immediately runs to Carlos and tells him all about it. Carlos isn’t impressed, saying now they have “two sluts in the house”. Gabby decides to go apologize to Ellie, but ends up seeing her taking money from the guy. She goes back to Carlos and says “there may be two sluts in the house, but only one is getting paid!”

The scene changes to the Scavo house, where Mrs. McClusky is asking if Lynette has seen Ida’s cat. Lynette says no and the two say goodbye. When Lynette starts to head back to the house, she overhears the twins talking about how the arson was Kayla’s idea. Lynette confronts Kayla about it and is extremely creeped out (as was I) by the fact Kayla is so calm and matter-of-fact about telling the boys that blowing someone up is stupid, but “everyone has matches.”

Here we go again… Susan’s back at the Lamaze class, and this time she’s got Mike with her. She’s determined to make herself look real good in front of Carlos and Marissa, so she makes Mike dress up and starts bragging about how great they’re doing. Everything’s going fine until Carl brings up Mike not being there last time. Mike explains he was getting his “30 day chip” and Carl immediately starts mocking Susan. Susan later confronts Mike about it. Mike says he really doesn’t care what Carl thinks. He needs to be honest about himself.

Now, we switch to the Hodge house. Orson is waiting outside for Bree, drunk (he started drinking after he got there). He tells her he’s willing to go to the cops and plans to use the sleepwalking as an excuse. Bree isn’t ok with that and refuses to let Orson back in the house. Edie drives by and Bree asks her to take Orson home. Edie agrees.

Now, we go back to Gabby visiting the gay neighbors that moved in not long ago. She’s planning to get one of them to come on to Ellie so she can prove the girl is a prostitute. The two men argue over who would be the best one to pull it off. Gabby says she doesn’t care who does it, just as long as it gets done.

The scene switches to a doctor’s office. Lynette has taken Kayla to a therapist behind Tom’s back. When Kayla realizes what’s going on, she demands to leave. Lynette says no, so Kayla pulls her second creepy move of the night and blackmails her. She says that if they don’t leave, she’ll not only talk to the therapist, she tell on the twins to the cops as well. Lynette goes ahead and cancels the visit.

And the set up begins… Gabby is on her phone talking to her neighbor, while the other one walks over to Ellie to proposition her. She sees the man get slapped and yells “abort” into the phone, running out to stop her. The other neighbor comes over, too, and demands Gabby tell the truth. At first, Ellie is furious, but she calms down after Gabby apologizes and tells her why she came to that conclusion. Ellie admits she’s running a tattoo business out of the room and that’s what Gabby saw. Gabby agrees to look the other way on that and Ellie goes up to her room. She opens a drawer to put some books in there and the camera closes in on what looks like drug packets.

Meanwhile, Bree shows up at Edie’s to thank her for giving Orson a ride home. Edie tells her that Orson was so drunk and upset about going back there that she let him crash on her couch. Bree is very uncomfortable about this and brings up Edie’s past with the other girl’s exes. Edie gets offended and tells Bree Orson can stay as long as he wants. “I’ll even let him hang my Christmas lights!”

While Tom and Lynette fight over Lynette talking Kayla to therapy, Kayla takes an umbrella outside and tells the twins she just jumped off the roof with it. She tries to sell them on how cool it is, but they aren’t buying it. After she walks off, the decide to do it after all and Parker gets hurt. While Lynette and Tom take Parker to the hospital, Kayla gets a creepy smile on her face.

Once again, we go back to the Lamaze class, where Carl teases Susan about Mike’s problem. Susan tells him he won and she’s got a crappy life and Carl softens a bit. They talk about what’s been going on and Carl admits he was a bad guy (he even admits to going after her cousin), but Mike will be good to her and the baby. She seems to feel a bit better and then asks “what cousin?” Carl makes a beeline for some poster on the wall.

The scene changes to Katherine’s house, where she and Bree are discussing the Hodge’s situation without actually saying what he did. Dylan comes downstairs to go out and once again refuses to introduce her mom and this guy. After Dylan leaves, Katherine excuses herself by saying she wants to go “spy on my daughter.” Bree advises her to “keep one car between them at all times.” I don’t know whether to be amused or terrified by this new friendship. They seem like a dangerous combination…

Back at Edie’s Edie has decided to gets Orson drunk and flirt with him a bit to get back at Bree. They, too, discuss the situation without actually voicing what happened. Edie says no matter what he’s done, he’s worthy of forgiveness because he feels bad. They even kiss breifly, before they pull away, knowing they’ve both had a bit too much to drink. Bree is watching the whole thing from outside, where she has just found Ida’s cat.

And now… we get to the final scene. Dylan’s been caught by her mother, but decides to come clean about meeting her dad without knowing she’s been seen. After Dylan confesses, Katherine allows her to bring her dad in the house, sending Dylan to her room. Once Dylan’s gone, Katherine accuses him of having ulterior motives for meeting with his daughter and tells him she is not scared of him anymore, despite the fact he abused her. He leaves, telling Katherine to let Dylan know he will call her tomorrow.

Cue the montage, where Mary Alice talks about the consequences of letting someone in your home and your life. Can’t wait to see where this all goes! Stay tuned to find out…

To catch up on last week’s episode, read this post. This week? Tornado time! Who will die?

So we start off with what “should have been a beautiful day”.  Gaby is telling Lynette about how she and Carlos are back together.  And no one is terribly happy to hear, judging since she was just married to Victor.  They’re planning to leave town, since Victor is “on the hunt” for them.  For how long, is anybody’s guess.  They’re even more upset to learn this.  Mrs. McCluskey tells them there’s a tornado been spotted in the area, they should “duck and cover” so to speak so they split up and promise to talk about it later.  And we’re promised that in four hours, someone will have lost a husband and they will all have lost a friend.

Gaby isn’t preparing or the storm, but instead packing.  Victor will be let out of the hospital the next day so they want to hurry and leave as soon as possible.  Lynette pays a visit to Mrs. McCluskey to make sure she’s prepared for the storm.  She assures she is and then Lynette asks if they can wait out the storm in her basement.  Since, you know, they don’t have one.   She isn’t sure about it, too many kids and people.  Ida, her friend, is coming over and it’s a small basement.  But Lynette talks her into it.  Katherine spots the mysterious lady “Sylvia” from last week waiting outside and goes to confront her.   She stirs up trouble, trying to convince Katherine that Adam is still interested in her.  Bree stops by Susan’s house with some storm supplies.  And Susan is alarmed to know that Orson already knew about Mike’s pill problem and prescribed him pills anyhow.  Sylvia is still baiting Katherine who spits in her face.  Bree spots this and is understandably intrigued.  And you know Bree.  She can’t resist.  So she goes up to the woman is still lurking in the neighborhood.  And Sylvia gives her a story prompting Bree to invite her in for tea.  Eh?

Bree and Sylvia share their distaste of Katherine over tea and she tells Bree that Adam “is in love” with her.  Quite the juicy nugget for Bree to digest.  Bree is startled at Sylvia’s passion over the subject and starts to wonder if she was wise inviting this woman into her house.  Then, Sylvia proceeds to lock herself in the bathroom.  Of course, this is where Bree and family were planning on riding out the tornado but Sylvia isn’t budging.  Susan stops by to visit Orson and confront him about giving Mike pills.  Orson tries to brush her off and she realizes he won’t budge on the real reason so she leaves.  Edie learns of Gaby and Victor’s “quick escape” from a neighborhood price gouger and she alerts Victor straight off.  Meanwhile, Mike sneaks more pills.  Or tries to, until he finds a note from Susan in his pill bottle.  She confronts him.  He doesn’t understand why she’s upset.  In this situation, I happen to be on her side (which doesn’t often happen so enjoy it while it lasts).  He chases after her, wanting to know where the pills are and she falls down the stairs in the scuffle.  AUGH!

Casualties are piling up at the hospital because of the tornado, when Mike comes bringing Susan in.  She insists she’s fine but he’s obviously shaken.  Katherine confronts Adam about Sylvia’s arrival in the neighborhood.  About that time, Bree comes knocking at the door.  She wants Adam to come to her house and get Sylvia out of her house.  Sylvia won’t come out if Katherine is there.  So they leave Adam to work his magic and Bree tells Katherine what Sylvia told her.  And Katherine gave her the full story.  She’s a delusional lady who imagined this affair with Adam.  When he rebuffed her, she sued him for sexual misconduct and he nearly lost his license.  Hence, the having to move.  Knowing Sylvia, this is easy to believe.  Bree tells her she’s sympathetic to Katherine and would have spit in her face too.

Ida and Mrs. McCluskey are in the basement when the Scavos arrive.  The kids are noisy and aggravating as predicted.   Tom starts to have problems and asks if there’s a cat there.  Ida brought her cat and apparently he’s really allergic.  Lynette wants to put the cat upstairs in a closet and Ida won’t have it.  I don’t really think Lynette has a lot of room to argue because she wasn’t really invited, you know.  So, Lynette lets her kids be as annoying as possible as retaliation.  Gah.  Mike is still on pins and blows up at a hospital worker when they won’t look at Susan right away.  He gets into a fight and security is called.  Susan is horrified.

Mike is handcuffed and left waiting alone while Susan gets checked out.  She comes out, tells him the baby is fine.  She’s quiet though, and obviously rattled by his behavior.   He apologizes and it looks like he really means it.  She tells him a doctor told her about a rehab facility but he’s sure he can kick it himself.  She’s not sure, but he assures her that he has hit bottom.  He promises her he will fix it.  A nurse hands Susan some pills the doctor wanted her to have for the pain.  Mike is visibly tempted and Susan is incredulous.  She says no.  No more.  She says he will go to rehab or she will leave him.  Pretty sad stuff.  A guy comes delivering papers about Carlos’ accounts to Edie, thinking she’s Gaby.  She takes the papers, which is everything she needs to access the money.  OY!  Over at Gaby’s house, she sees the guy drive off and then Edie walking away with the papers.  Caught!  Edie runs for it and Gaby gives chase.  In the basement at the McCluskey’s, things are bad.  Tom is agonizing over his allergic reaction.  Ida is asleep so Lynette sneaks the cat out of it’s cage and takes it upstairs.  ARGH.  Gaby chases Edie back to her house and breaks in a window by smashing a chair through it.  Mrs. McCluskey catches Lynette and shames her.  Mrs. McCluskey calls Lynette on only being her friend when she needs something.  Babysitting, shelter, etc.  Right at that moment, the door swings open and the cat runs out.  Mrs. McCluskey runs out after the cat and Lynette follows.  OY!  Edie and Gaby struggle for the papers.  Edie asks for a cut of the money and Gaby tackles her, grabs the papers and runs out of the house.  Edie catches her and they lose the papers in the wind.  That’s when they spot the tornado.  They run back in the house, just barely.  Right then, Mrs. McCluskey spots the cat under a car.  They see the tornado too and run for it.  OY!  (have I said it enough?)

Gaby and Edie hide in the crawlspace together.  Adam is STILL trying to get Sylvia to budge.  Orson comes in and they fill him in on the drama.  So, they all stuff themselves into a closet.  Lynette and Mrs. McCluskey climb into the tub and cover themselves with a mattress.  Gaby apologizes to Edie for hurting her the way they did.  Edie is alarmed at this behavior, she wants to get through this and hate Gaby for years to come.  Except, she doesn’t hate her.  She just let herself fall for Carlos, which she admits was stupid.  They have as touching a make-up scene as they could have, I’m sure.  Katherine and Bree bicker but the guys try to break it up.  Bree mentions Sylvia’s tattoo story which strikes a chord with Katherine.  And while Adam doesn’t have that tattoo NOW, he did.  It was removed.  So there is some truth to the psycho’s story.  Adam tries to apologize and explain but Katherine won’t have it.  Carlos runs into Gaby’s house to find she’s not there.  But you know who is?  Victor!  And, he’s got a gun.

Carlos tries to explain that they didn’t mean to hurt Victor, but he and Gaby are meant to be together.  What does Victor do?  He starts shooting at Carlos!  They run out of the house and struggle for the gun out there.  The gun falls in the street where a car falls on it.  Uh, yeah.  The gay neighbors sculpture is destroyed as Victor and Carlos struggle.  And then?  Victor is approaching Carlos with a pole when he’s impaled with a fence picket.  OUCH!   Immediately after, Carlos is knocked out.  Sylvia emerges from the bathroom and walks around the house looking for Adam.  And then?  A door blows open and she’s sucked right out.  COOL!  Eventually, the winds die down and the neighborhood is a mess.  Edie and Gaby emerge, unharmed.  As do Lynette and Mrs. McCluskey.  Bree’s house is a wreck, with a hole in the roof.  Mike and Susan are still at the hospital, so they’re okay.  Lynette’s house is looking rough, but is intact.  However, Mrs. McCluskey’s house is GONE.  Lynette freaks out because her family was there.  And that’s where it ends.  HIGHLY unfair, if you ask me.

I’m sorry it’s been so long since we’ve had a post!  But it’s also been a long time since there’s been a new episode to talk about.  Darn that writer’s strike anyhow!  (not that I can blame that, it was really the American Music Awards’ fault)  Anyhow, to see what I thought about the last episode, check this post here.

Gaby is at church and trying not to think too hard about Victor being missing.  She’s meeting Carlos who is feeling extra guilty and wants to go to the police.  She thinks they should play dumb and ride it out.  She is sure that Victor would have killed them had he lived.  And we see Victor washed up on shore.  Is he dead?  As for Mike, he’s still on the pills.  And he’s got a dealer.   But he has no money for more pills.  Meanwhile, Susan obsesses over Julie’s dating life.  Over at Bree’s house, Orson wants to put the baby in the crib but she wants him in the bed with her.  There is an ensuing argument with the same issues brought up on both sides that you’d expect.  Lynette is looking for her mother, calling around bars hoping to find her.  She’s feeling guilty for what her mother may have heard her say about her.  Gaby is packing a suitcase when the police come calling.  Victor is apparently, *gasp*, missing.  The coast guard found his empty boat in the bay and his office said he hasn’t been in in several days.  She hopes the cops will assume Victor went out to sea and did something foolish after finding out she was leaving him.  They don’t, since the boat was found with nary a fingerprint on it, even Victor’s.  D’oh!  Didn’t think that one through, did they?  So foul play is especially suspected.

Susan is upset to see Julie is out on a date again when Mike’s dealer comes knocking on the door.  She hears the dealer is pre-med and hopes that maybe she can hook him up with Julie.  Oy.  Orson is annoyed at the lack of sleep he’s getting because of sharing the bed with Ben.  Bree is determined to learn from her mistakes with her own children and refuses to budge.  He thinks maybe he should sleep in the den.  Susan continues to try to match-make.  She shows the dealer pictures of Julie, hoping to impress him.  He’s impressed.  He leaves shortly after (has to go make a deal) and Susan is all but gushing over him.   Bree asks Tom if they did the “family bed” in their house and wonders if it caused issues between them.  Tom freely opens up with the methods he and Lynette had “special time”  together.  Meanwhile, Andrew lurks in the background and perhaps feels a little bad that his mother has so easily cast him aside.

Mike replaces a gasket for Adam and Katherine when someone named Sylvia shows up on Adam’s doorstep.  He’s upset to see her, doesn’t want her in the house.  She apparently ruined his life.  He finally gets her to leave, but not before Mike sees her.  Adam asks Mike not to tell Katherine about Sylvia’s appearance.  Mike has a favor too.  He wonders if Adam could write a prescription for pain pills for him.  Adam is reluctant, since him being a gyno and writing a script for a guy would be suspicious.  Bree shows up at Orson’s office and she’s got sex on the brain.  It’s pretty funny.  Lynette gets home and her step-father is there.  Glenn is his name.   She’s so happy to see him.  He’s there because Lynette’s mother called him asking for money and he was going to deliver it to her at Fairview Park.  Did Lynette want to go with?  Of course!  Adam stops by to visit Orson (and runs into Bree who is leaving).  He wants Orson to write this prescription for Mike.  It is implied that if he does, Orson will keep Bree’s baby secret.  Back at home, Andrew is leaving.  He’s moving into an apartment in a crappy neighborhood.  To give Bree room from her “past mistakes”.  She’s stunned that he got so upset over everything.

Orson delivers the script to Mike, along with a warning that he should be seeing a physical therapist.  Mike would like to, but he’s got be working around the clock to live up to Susan’s shopping habits.  Mike makes mention of whomever it was that ran him down that one time and since it was Orson and he doesn’t want that to exactly get out, he hands over the script.   Susan tells Mike about the dealer showing up and misses her comment about this guy being perfect for Julie.  He calls Barrett up on the phone and warns him to stay away from the house.  Edie reads about the missing mayor in the paper and makes a phone call to the police.  She wants to leave an anonymous tip.  Carlos is freaked out about the whole fingerprints thing and really wants to go to the cops.  He’s going to go and fess up and urges Gaby to go with him.  She wants a drink first, to calm her nerves.  And his, to which she adds some sleeping pills.  Oh dear.  This girl deserves to go to jail.  Barrett is visiting with Julie and they’re getting along great.  Of course, then Mike comes home and finds this guy is there and sorta freaks out.  Mike does not want Julie leaving the house with this guy and Barrett threatens to let Mike’s secret out.  So what does Mike do?  He outs Barrett as a drug dealer in front of Susan as the guy who sold Mike the pills she found.  Susan kicks him out and that is a problem solved.  Sorta.  Except now Susan is turning eyes on Mike once again.  Carlos is feeling tired and just about then, the police show up at her door.  Convenient!  They ask her about having an affair with Carlos.  And they tell her that Edie is the one who called him (so much for anonymous!).  They get a call, they found Victor and he’s alive!  Unconscious but stable and in the hospital!  Yay!  Except, not.

Lynette and her step-father show up at the park to meet her mom.  He tells her it was more complicated, the circumstances around his departure when she was a kid.  Susan explains the whole Barrett thing to Julie.  She’s a little less sure than Susan is that Mike is off the pills.  She saw him pick up a prescription at the drugstore just that morning.  Stella and Glenn meet up and he hands her the money he asked for.  That’s when she spots Lynette in the car and takes off.  Lynette tell sher she wants her to come home with her.  Lynette brings up the cheating thing again and Stella asks her to drop it.  Glenn implores Stella to tell Lynette the whole story.   He tells her he left because he’s gay, not because she cheated.  Which may change things.  Bree drops by to visit Andrew and to ask him to come home or at least let her help him out.  He tells her he’s mad because he changed, turned things around, and she never noticed.  Or said anything.  She doesn’t want them to part on bad terms again.  Then he thanks her for leaving him on the side of the road, because it made him become a better person.  Aww!  Glenn continues telling the story to Lynette and she seems shook by it.  She asks Stella why she never told her.  She says she wasn’t proud to admit it.  She was ashamed.  Lynette wishes she’d told her.  It would have changed things.  She wants Stella to come home with her, the last few months had been great.  Stella doesn’t want to, if she did, she’d screw it up.  She wants to keep things good between them.  That’s when Glenn offers up his guest room to Stella and there’s a good solution for everyone.

Mike continues to hide his pill-popping from Susan, who watches him through a window.  Gaby visits Victor in the hospital with a police escort.  She’s nervous about what he’ll say in front of the cops.  Who, for their part, want to ask some questions.  Apparently, Victor doesn’t remember the boat.  Yay for memory loss!  Which, you know, won’t last.  Once the cops clear out, Victor tells her he remembers everything about the accident.  He threatens that he’ll need all his strength here pretty soon.  She leaves the hospital looking a lot more concerned.  As she should.  Susan learns, regretfully, that Orson prescribed the pills.  Oops!

If you want to know what I thought of last week’s action-packed episode, read this post.

Victor is still pondering the news that Edie revealed to him. He’s waiting for her, in the dark, when she gets home from a shopping trip. And, she answers a call from Carlos on her cellphone. He’s trying to talk her out of going back to Victor when she spots Victor standing in the hall so she breaks off the call quickly. He’s taking a month off, wants to take her on a honeymoon at last. She leaves the room for a moment, and he checks her cell phone and finds out that she was talking to Carlos. He wants to have a weekend on the boat, just the two of them. And apparently, he wants revenge. Dun, dun, DUN!

Bree introduces the baby to the neighbors, saying she’d had him in the middle of the night. And apparently, he’s a cryer. Lynette also divulges her excellent news regarding being clear of cancer! And then, we find out Lynette’s mom is shaking up with a boyfriend, right there in Lynette’s home! His name is Stan and everyone is kind of startled. Mike isn’t feeling very well, says he’s tired and doesn’t want to go visit Bree and the new baby. He takes another pill. And seems surlier than usual. Danielle, apparently has already left for school. Bree freaks out Mike about the costs and implications of preschool. This somehow devolves into an argument about circumcision between Orson and Bree. He’s against it and she’s for it. He apparently remembers his. His mom had it done when Orson was 5 years old. Yow. Mike takes another pill at Bree’s house and she spots him at it. He says it was asprin. From pain. You remember that accident two years ago? That one. She spots a leftover pill and it looks like anything but asprin. Victor and Gaby show up at the boat and she’s upset that there’s no crew to wait on them. He promises it will not be a boring trip. Gulp.

Lynette wants to talk her mom about Stan (she doesn’t even remember his name). She tries to convince her mother to leave and after she doesn’t get the hints, lays it out on the line. She thinks its about Stan but it’s everything (including teaching the kids how to make whiskey sours). She at least needs her own place, but she has no money. She gave the last of her money to Lynette after her sister kicked her out. Julie comes to Susan for help, wanting to know more about Dylan’s dad. So Susan stupidly tells Julie about what Katherine said about Dylan’s dad being abusive. And, as luck would have it, Dylan was in the next room and overheard. Bree figures out what kind of pill it was that Mike was taking and calls Susan. She wants to “talk”. Later, Mike comes home and Susan looks tense. She tells Mike about Bree’s suspicions (now hers!). It’s apparently a narcotic that is highly addictive. He denies being addicted to them and Susan buys it. She’s totally relieved. Bree is at the hospital and wants to know about getting her “son” circumsized. The doctor, however, has a note from Orson saying he doesn’t want the baby to get snipped. She’s pissed, of course. She confronts him about it and tries to reason with him. She thinks untrimmed penises are unsightly. Of course she does! Katherine comes home to see Dylan doing her “genealogy project”. Katherine doesn’t want her doing that project. They get into a little bit of a scuffle. Dylan tells Katherine what she learned and Katherine lays down the law. Dylan isn’t scared this time though. She says her mom can’t stop her this time. Looks like all that bullying has finally backfired against her.

Susan explains Mike’s explanation to Bree. Bree, of course isn’t buying it. Because she’s a recovering alcoholic and she’s knows all about addiction. She advises Susan to trust but verify. So Susan goes home and starts searching through all of Mike’s stuff, looking for pills. She has no luck until she looks inside a flashlight to find a baggie of pills. She’s devastated, of course. Lynette and her mom meet with Lynette’s sister. Of course, Lynette wants to pawn mom off on her sister. And she’s wise to the plot and won’t have it. She refuses to take mom back, and has notes prepared for her speech. Apparently, her mom put her into therapy. So Lynette realizes this isn’t working and opens up her sister’s trunk using her keyfob She runs out and puts her mom’s luggage into her sister’s car all quick-like. Then she takes off, while Lynette’s mom and sister bicker inside the diner. Hee! Carlos stops by Edie’s place where she gives him back a painting of his, that she cut a hole out of. She assures him that Victor is angrier than she is. She tells Carlos all about the pictures and how mad Victor was. So now he’s worried. He calls Gaby on her cell. He warns Gaby about Victor knowing, or tries to because she’s not buying it. Until she puts two and two together and realizes that maybe this lonely boat trip has another purpose. Victor comes in and confiscates the cell phone, at least until they get home. She’s worried, big time. So Victor spills that he knows about everything. She tries to explain herself (while keeping her distance). He’s pretty mad. He’s about to show her something when she knocks him overboard with an oar and powers the boat back to shore. Doh!

Dylan has another conversation with her mom. This time, Katherine has information about Dylan’s dad all written down for her. Before she hands it over though, she has to promise her that she will not bring him there or tell him where Katherine is. Apparently, he slapped Katherine around quite a bit. There was that bad night, that she doesn’t remember entirely. Sounds as if he tried to kill her so she took off with Dylan. Dylan feels bad, and has second thoughts on learning more about her dad. Katherine breathes a sigh of relief and we see the paper is blank. Was she lying again? Here comes Lynette’s sister with the luggage and the mother. They’re dumping her off with Lynette again. Her other sister is there, helping the younger sister out. The three disappear inside to discuss their mother’s fate. Bree sneaks out of the house with the baby while Orson is napping, on her way to a friend’s Bris. She comes up to the guy (forget what they’re called), wanting him to “do” her son while he’s at it. Of course, he’s suspicious but Bree talks her magic with him. She promises the baby will be as devout a Jew as she is.

Bree returns home with the baby and tells Orson she got the baby circumsized. He’s pissed (she’s surprised?). She thinks because her blood is in teh baby’s veins and not his, it was her decision. He’s insulted, as he should be. He sees himself as Benjamin’s father. She needs to remind herself that love makes them a family, not blood. She makes it up to him by referring to Ben as Orson’s son. Then she tells him Ben’s Hebrew name. Hee! Carlos meets Gaby at the harbor and she tells him that Victor is in the ocean. She was sure Victor had a gun, so Carlos wants to make sure they still have it before calling the police. And.. it’s not a gun. It’s a sweater. Exactly what Gaby asked for when she said she was cold. Carlos is going to call the Coast Guard anyhow. Meanwhile, mom listens in on Lynette and her sisters argue about who has to have her. Awkward. They all have their reasons for not wanting to have her in their homes. And none of them, save Lynette, feels bad for abandoning her. Lynette is saddened to learn this because she does. They offer to send Lynette money each month to care for their mother. She refuses the money and accepts her duty. She’s pretty mad at her sisters. Of course, by this point, mom takes off in a cab. Carlos and Gaby take the yacht back out and find Victor. Carlos drags him aboard and Victor is stunned that Gaby tried to kill him. He’s mad that Carlos is on the boat too. A fight breaks out and Victor goes for a knife. So what does Gaby do? She oars him again. Carlos wants to pull him back in again, except this time he’s not surfacing.

It’s nighttime now. Gaby and Carlos are sitting on the dock looking thunderstruck. They looked for six hours, he’s gone. It was self defense, right? They can’t prove that. Gaby immediately starts thinking they can cover this up. Because no one knew she was going out on the boat. So maybe he went by himself. They’ll need to cut the boat adrift. Susan confronts Mike with the pills. He wants to explain. She’s hurt and insulted. He didn’t want Susan to feel guilty. His doctor told him he should take a break from work after he wrenched his shoulder on the job. But he hasn’t because the baby = money so he’s kept working. He wants his child to have more than he had. She wants their child to have a healthy father. She wants to trust him. He dumps the pills down the garbage disposal. They hug and all seems well again. Until we see that Mike has some pills stashed in a pipe. Or we think he does. The show ends right there. Next week? TORNADO! Sweet!

If you’d like to know what happened last week, by all means, go check it out.

Bob and Lee get a metal fountain/sculpture and all the neighborhood women simply hate it. They talk about who should be the new homeowners association president as they haven’t had one since Mary Alice killed herself four years ago. Has it been four years? Really? Dang. Anyhow, no one has wanted the job but Katherine nobly steps up to the plate. All it will take is an election and she can have that “atrocity” gone by the weekend. Susan thinks they should at least go talk to the guys about it first, but not her since they hate her. Bree is then nominated, simply because she has a gay son and can probably relate best to Bob and Lee. Next thing you know, the whole gaggle of them are confronting the men and Susan spurts out about how she loves art and their sculpture. Katherine lets them know it’s not appropriate for Wisteria Lane. Still, Bob insists that it will stay. Hence, war is declared. Slow day? Apparently, the sculpture is a rather noisy fountain as well. It wakes up Susan and Mike. She asks if they can move it to their backyard, Mike can’t sleep and he’s been working long hours. Some snide remarks are made by Lee about the racket coming from Susan’s house that they need the fountain to drown out.

Lynette delivers snacks to her kids in their treehouse and she receives a phone call from her doctor. What is the news? Her kids let her know she can’t talk about being sick up in the treehouse. Bree calls Danielle at the convent only to discover that she has left. Uh oh. Cat’s out of the bag. Now it is known that Phyllis sprung the girl. Edie wants to go golfing with Carlos, but he won’t let her. She gave him a gift. For what? Who knows. It’s monogrammed golfballs. But with her initials. Why? So everyone will know who his balls belong to. Ouch. Carlos touches base with Gaby, they make plans to meet at a hotel. She notices a cable van across the street that’s been watching her awful close. She figures Victor is having her tailed while he’s out of town, but she’s not going to call anything off. Instead, she poses as a young boy and takes off with a gaggle of neighborhood kids on their bikes. Har!

At the hotel, Gaby runs into John, of all the luck, and his girlfriend/wife/fiance Tammy (I think that was her name). Tammy is a bit in the family way. She makes a mention of him having “married up” so I guess they are married. She makes an excuse to them on why she’s at the hotel (spa weekend) before meeting up with Carlos. Bree stops in to visit Phyllis. And, of course, to grab Danielle and take her back to the convent. But Danielle insists that since she’s turning 18 that weekend, its her plan to stay with grandma and deliver her baby there. Oh, and she plans to keep the baby herself too. Bob and Lee try to campaign to get Lynette onto their side. They want her on their side, against the homeowner’s association otherwise Katherine might come after her and her treehouse. So, Lynette decides to go to the meeting after all. Where she asks Katherine if she’ll leave it all be after the fountain is removed. Which Katherine pretty much says that she won’t leave it be. Lynette decides to run against Katherine, and hopefully win.

Tom doesn’t approve of Lynette’s move. He doesn’t think she’s up to it in her condition. She wants to stand up for herself and this is her best way to do that, apparently. Over at the hotel, Gaby and Carlos are about to get hot and heavy when there’s a knock at the door. It’s John at the door. OOH. Not good. She wants Carlos to hide, which he does reluctantly. John then tells Gaby that he wants to start up their affair again. Lynette tries to get Susan to campaign for her, but Susan promised Katherine that she’d vote for her. BOO. Susan’s argument is thin, but then, the whole thing is pretty thin. Gaby tries to get rid of John, but he’s stubborn. He insists on reliving some of the “old times” with Carlos listening in. She practically pushes him out of the room. And Carlos is TICKED.

He’s upset that Gaby faked an orgasm with Carlos while John watched from the closet (one of the “old times” that was relieved). He wants to leave and does, but not before Gaby compares him to John. Both Katherine and Lynette campaign pretty heavily for votes around the neighborhood, making promises on both sides of the fence. Bree is upset that Danielle has developed a “maternal instinct”. Andrew snorts, Danielle doesn’t want the baby. She just wants to tick off Bree. And because grandma offers her a cushy life in the retirement community where she won’t have to work or go to school. Carlos pays a visit to John, friendly, he promises. Carlos tells John he has forgiven him for sleeping with his wife. John tells him that he fell in love with Gaby too and Carlos forgives him for that too. Why is he doing that? Because he knows what it’s like to love someone and forget the difference between right and wrong. Hmm. This sounds foreboding. At the Homeowner’s Association meeting, they’re going to vote and who wins? It’s a dead tie. Then Edie points out that Susan voted twice, which she did. She’s forced to pick, and so she goes with Katherine because she hates the fountain so so much. Susan pretty much comes out looking like crap, as usual.

Bree visits Phyllis, under the pretense of apologizing. They get Danielle alone and apologize to her as well. They point out not to overdo Phyllis, since she is old and prone to heart attacks. Plus, they point out living around a bunch of old people who will be her new friends. And who would want to give that up to go to college in Florida with a bunch of hot guys and drive a new convertible? All this is making an impression on Danielle who is looking like she might be changing her mind after all. Katherine shares a victory toast with Adam, or rather wants to but Adam is reluctant. He thinks she’s gotten a little out of line. He doesn’t think she’s doing a very good job of making them friends. Danielle is packed up and leaving Phyllis’ house, leaving Phyllis looking defeated. And Bree feels a little sorry for her, for what she has lost. She offers Phyllis a position as babysitter, so she and Orson can go out once in a while. Phyllis jumps at the chance. Carlos shows up at Gaby’s place, he wants to talk. He wants to “do the right thing” and end the affair. It’s not right. He wants them to each break up with their significant others. Then, wait maybe 6 months, and then get back together. Gaby is predictably resistant to this, but she admires his “good guy” self. They kiss goodbye, so that it will last six months. But, however, the cable guy across the street is snapping some photos of the clinch. Forgot about him, didn’t they?

Lynette watches her kids play in the treehouse while Susan comes and tries to apologize. She says she will stand up for Lynette and her treehouse when the time comes. Then Lynette makes her feel bad by telling her why the treehouse is so important. They make up and are friends again and none too soon because here comes Katherine. The treehouse can stay! It was “grandfathered” in, is her excuse. She wants to be a good neighbor, after all. Lynette is confused by the conflicting behavior. Bree is talking to someone, and it turns out it’s our “cable guy”. He was working for her, not Victor, it turns out. Katherine stops by to visit Bob and Lee who are resistant to remove the fountain. They tell her they know all about Chicago. So unless she wants the news unleashed to the neighborhood, the fountain must stay. Ooh, blackmail.

Previously on “Desperate Housewives”… go read the recap if you really, really want to know.  The most important thing: Lynette got high and made a fool of herself in front of the whole neighborhood at a charades party.

We start out with Katherine’s Aunt Lilian coming home to die.  She’s agonizing about what happened all those years ago and wanting to tell Dylan what happened.  Katherine of course will have nothing of it.

Then we meet “Bob Hunter”.  Who hates living in the city.  He hates the bests that live there.  And, shock of all shocks, he and his gay partner decide to move to the suburbs.  Susan of course comes to introduce herself as they’re moving in and is rather obtuse to the notion that they’re gay at first.  And, of course, makes an ass of herself.  I’m saying “of course” a lot, aren’t I? Anyhow, my main point here is that it is no surprise that Susan makes an ass of herself.  That’s just what she does. Over at Bree’s house, Danielle is getting a delivery.  A shiny red scooter.  Besides it being a scooter, Orson and Andrew both love it while Bree wants to donate it to the church.  The men look horrified though Orson toes the line as best he can.  Lynette looks happy, having been off chemo for a week.  She’s feeling frisky again too.  Tom of course takes her up on it right away (there’s that “of course” again).  During “things” her wig slips and hijinks ensue.  She takes it off and Tom is kind of horrified.  Because, you know, she’s bald.   This is pretty funny.  Sad and funny.  I can understand how Tom feels though, that’s an AWFUL lot of bald.

Back from commercial, the girls are trying to talk Bree into having a baby shower.  She thinks it’s tacky when it’s not the first baby (oh please).  During this, Orson is hotdogging up and down the street on the scooter and inevitably crashes it.   Andrew overhears the shower pleadings and offers to “help”.  Susan feels bad for her bad first impression on the new neighbors so she heats up some cookie bars to take to them because she feels guilty.  And because she can’t stand it when someone doesn’t like her.  Bob’s partner (whose name escapes me) asks if they have nuts in them and she’s unsure because of course she didn’t cook them herself.  He wants to know because he’s deathly allergic.  He finds out her “charade” and sends her back home with her store-bought cookies.  Mission: Failed.  Lynette is agonizing about the whole wig/sex thing and Gaby assures her that hair is important to men and that she has the unique opportunity to change her hair every night if she wants.  Lynette is getting a “checkup” (I think it’s a gyno, but not Adam), and she finds out she has crabs.  Carlos is horrified.  Naturally, because now he has to tell Gaby.  And Gaby?  Has to tell Victor.  Uh oh.  Except it would appear that Victor might already be “invaded”.

Lynette introduces her “new look” to Tom.  She’s sporting a red wig and plunging neckline.  And Tom is on like white on rice.  Over at Victor’s place, “Nurse Gaby” makes her move.  She’s in a sexy outfit under the guise of putting this crabs medication on his “stuff”.  He keeps noticing the medicine-y smell and is a little alarmed at the intimidating looking comb.  Over at Susan’s house, Julie has found the new neighbor’s dog and Susan is excited.  She figures if she holds onto the dog for a while, then she can pose as a great rescuer and be loved once more.  And then, Bree is surprised by a baby “party” (not technically a shower, of course).  She’s less than thrilled.  Rex’s mom is there as well so Bree’s nightmare is complete.  Dillon is doing some homework and Katherine leaves for a trip to the bank, leaving her home alone with Aunt Lilith.  Who, of course, wants to spill the beans to Dillon.  But just before she can, Katherine shows up unexpectedly and puts the kibosh on THAT.  We wouldn’t want to know everything, now, would we?

Tom lets Lynette know that he’d like another visit from the “redhead” but their daughter apparently gave the wig a haircut and the wig is gone.  He’s pretty disappointed.  Susan’s new neighbor is looking or his dog and Susan gives the pretense of helping him look for the pooch.  At her shower, Bree is trying to ignore the barbs being tossed her way from her former mother-in-law.  The woman does seem like a trial.  Bree has terrible trouble with mother-in-laws, doesn’t she?  Before leaving, she goes to retrieve her sable coat which had been given to Bree earlier.  Of course, it’s in the closet that holds all of Bree’s faux bellies.  OOPS.  Cat’s out of the bag on that one!

The truth comes out about Danielle’s “boarding school” and Phyllis is actually thrilled because she’s going to become a great-grandmother.  Bree doesn’t want her hovering like a grandparent since this baby is going to be passed as hers and Orson’s.  Phyllis is outraged by this and takes the opportunity to criticize Bree’s child-rearing tactics.  Insults are exchanged until Bree tells Phyllis that Rex always dreaded her visits.  She is about to spill the beans to the shower guests before she rethinks herself and decides to leave instead.  Dang.  Susan is making a great impression on her neighbor with helping him look for the dog.  He’s genuinely appreciative.  He argues with Bob about the dog getting out while Mike gets home, opens the garage door, and the dog runs out and… Susan is in the doghouse again.  She’s got to knock that stuff off.  With Gaby and Carlos, it seems that disaster has been averted.  Until Edie and Victor make each other’s acquaintance.  She smells the medication on him and puts two and two and two together until she figures out about the affair.   Ha!

Tom has purchased Lynette a new wig to “play” with.  She’s a little insulted that he wants to pretend she’s someone else.  When in actuality it’s just a little role playing.   Really, she’s upset he doesn’t like her bald.  He admits he wanted an escape from HER.  From her sickness.  And, naturally, she gets a little snarky about “his problems” before they find some common ground.  Then she agrees to give the wig a new try.  Except, he wants to give “just them” a try.  Aww.  Susan feels bad, of course.  And now Mike has to buy his neighbor a new suit (a $2000 suit).  He’s pretty upset about it all and now HE’S mad at Susan too.  Should have let well enough alone.  At the convent, Phyllis stops by to visit Danielle.  She… wants to break Danielle out.  ACK.  Can’t be good.  Aunt Lilian wants to talk and Katherine coldly shuts the door on her.  Dillon wants to talk with her mother, in the meantime.  But Lilian isn’t look so hot.  She decides to try to write out a confession (or whatever it is) and then promptly dies.  Very poetic.  Will Dillon ever find the note?

Previously on “Desperate Housewives”:  Nothing really happened.  No, seriously.  I’m not even kidding.  Well, except for Carlos hiring a hitman.  That was cool.

We start off with Mary Alice waxing poetic about children playing together.  And how it’s like adults playing together.  Or some such silliness.  Susan wants to throw a “charades night” or something and no one really wants to go.  Then we’ve got Bree spreading the news of what she learned at Katherine’s house last on last week’s episode.  Except now they all want to go to the “charades night” because Katherine will be there and maybe they can get her liquored up and she might reveal something.  Sounds pretty flimsy.

Next we see Lynette’s mom cooking, which is apparently unusual.   She wants Lynette to get better.  Or actually, she wants Lynette to smoke marijuana.  I couldn’t make this up, people.  Mike is doing something handy in the garage, which is revealed to be making a crib.  From scratch.  Apparently, he’s a little excited, seeing as how Susan is still in the first trimester and all.  Susan comes to visit Bree, wanting the number of her obstetrician.  Of course, Bree doesn’t really have an OB, so she has to fib her way around it.  What does she do?  She writes down the number of a random doc from the phone book and hands it to Susan.  Cuz, you know, that’ll work.  Meanwhile, Katherine’s husband is flirting with some random neighborhood jogger and Katherine seems a little miffed by it.  Why do I keep forgetting his name?  Over at Gaby’s house, Carlos is getting dressed, ready to sneak out of the house.  Gaby is getting annoyed with the sneaking around.  He says he has a plan to get rid of her.  HA!  Yeah he does!  We come full circle to Lynette’s mom asking Andrew (yes, that one) to score her some pot for her daughter.  HA!

Orson alerts Bree to a phone call from the convent Danielle is staying at.  She fell while roller blading (yes, at 8 months pregnant).  She’s going to be examined to make sure the baby is fine, but in the meantime, she is to be sequestered in her room where she can take it easy.  Tom Scavo is all excited about charades night while Lynette is lackluster about going.  She’s not feeling so good, you see, with the chemo and all.  She’s far too competitive to just herself lose.  Andrew delivers “the goods” to Lynette’s mom so you know where this is going.  Susan is at the new doctor’s office only it’s totally skeeve city.  She’s afraid to even sit down in the chairs in the waiting room, it’s that bad.  The place sells lotto tickets.  Over at Lynette’s house, her mom has made some brownies.  Nope, not for the kids!  Heh.  She enlists Parker to deliver the brownies to Lynette, so she’d be assured to eat one.  Sweet, sweet victory.

Over at Katherine’s house, she’s getting ready to go to charades night with Adam (his name is Adam!)  Julie and Dillon are studying together and Dillon gives Julie the dish on what happened when she asked about her real day.   Julie wants to pick the lock on a room that apparently holds all the secrets.  And guess what?  Susan is late to her own charades night, due to being at an appointment in the hood.  Carlos mentions that Edie might be overdressed for charades.  She wants to announce her engagement at the party, he doesn’t want her to say a word.  She promises him she won’t say a word.  Then slips a giant ring on her finger.  Har.  Even Gaby and creepy mayor husband are going to the party.  Lynette is not at the party (yet), but Tom is there and ready to get busy.  Bree is drilling Katherine about her ex-husband and Gaby joins in until Katherine lowers the gate on the whole thing.  Edie comes striding in and immediately flashes the ring, which Bree notices right off.  Gaby is noticeably upset while Susan comes walking in.  She grabs Bree and away they march, Susan doesn’t look too happy.  Meanwhile, Gaby is pissed at Carlos and confronts him about it.  She tells him they’re through and that she can have any guy she wants.   Carlos then confronts Edie, but knows he can’t do much.  Yet.  In the kitchen, Susan is going off on Bree about the doctor.  Why did she send her there?  Bree says she can’t tell her.  Susan is plenty pissed.  Carlos is bitching on the phone with his hitman about how out of control Edie is.  Gaby flirts with Adam purposefully in front of Carlos.  Which works when Carlos smashes a glass.  And Katherine is mad too.  He “learned nothing” from Chicago, apparently.  There’s definitely friction there.  Edie tells Katherine then about Gaby’s reputation in the neighborhood.  Then, the games get underway.  There’s some strategic team selection going on.  Over at Lynette’s house, she’s cracking up watching Spongebob Squarepants.  Brownies kicked in!  Over at Katherine’s house, Julie is breaking into the “secret room” and Dillon is all impressed with her lock picking abilities.  Lynette shows up at the last minute.  She’s all nuts and everyone’s jaws are practically sitting on the floor.  She kicked over a lamp, ya’ll.

Charades is well underway and Lynette is up.  Unfortunately, she doesn’t do as well as she might normally.  She sorta drops the ball.  The clue was “Hang ‘em High” which she eventually got, but at the expense of any feelings Edie might have had.  Lynette’s mom shows up and she tells Tom about the brownies.  Tom has to go rescue the brownies from everyone in the room who has been helping themselves.  Gaby is knocked into Adam and she tries to help clean him up (spilt wine and all) and Katherine climbs all over her back.  It gets into a “who’s reputation is worse” contest until Gaby tells her about Bree seeing Katherine slap her daughter.  Katherine then says he did the worst thing a father can do to his daughter before storming out.  Everyone is pretty much aghast (except Lynette who is still pretty high).

Gaby talks to Victor about the whole “gardener” thing, hoping he’s not too upset.  He doesn’t want the news to get out and damage his political career.  You know, you think he would have researched his wife a little better before marrying her if it mattered that much.  Over at Katherine’s house, Dillon and Julie are sitting in “the room” and speculating when Katherine butts in and breaks up the party.  She doesn’t want Dillon to see Julie any more.  Orson tells Bree that the phone call from the convent said that fall Danielle had caused a placental abruption.  We don’t know what this means for the baby.  So they go rushing off to be with Danielle.  Susan is left unfulfilled.   Gaby kisses Carlos and then slaps him.  The slap was for letting Edie think they were engaged.  They’re back on because she loves that Carlos gets upset about losing her.  Unlike Victor.  Carlos touches base with his hitman.  It might take a week or two, but it’ll happen.  Ah, turns out he’s not a hitman, but a public accountant.  Dang.  That’s too bad.  Victor makes some comments about “making someone disappear” if they cheat on his wife.  Carlos gets the message and you start to feel a little bad for the guy.  I mean, it looks like he’s under an amazing amount of pressure here.

Orson gets another call.  After a tense minute, we find out Danielle is fine.  The baby?  I have no idea.  But Bree is definitely relieved.  The Scavos return home and Lynette confronts her mother.  Her mom just wanted her to feel better.  She doesn’t get why Lynette is making such a big deal about it.  Apparently, her mom was stoned throughout Lynette’s entire childhood and she doesn’t want to do that to her children.  She’s not sorry, she wanted Lynette to feel better.  She warns her not to do it again and she promises she won’t. End of story.  Bree is reflecting on her evening when Susan comes over, bearing cake and calling a truce.  Bree apologizes for snapping at Susan.  Susan just wants to know what’s going on.  Bree tells her there have been some complications with the baby and she thought she might lose it.  And she was still dealing with that.  They bond over the anxiety and terror they’re feeling during their “later life” pregnancies.  Cute.  Katherine is boxing up all the “memoirs” from the secret room.  Besides, Katherine’s invalid aunt is going to stay in that room.  Adam calls her on what she said at the party.  She said it so no one would ask questions.  So what DID her ex-husband do?  Katherine pulls up a rug and reveals a small gash in the hardwood there.  Then she cries.  Oooookay.  Cuz that’s not cryptic at all.

Previously on “Desperate Housewives”:  A lot of stuff happened.  SERIOUSLY.  I’m not going to go all into it again.  Cuz it’s just too much.

Now: There’s a “crime wave” on Wisteria Lane where barbecues are being turned over and clean laundry being trampled.  The horror.   Turns out, the culprit is Carlos, on the way home from a hot affair with Gaby.  She wants him to “boot the bitch”, but well, he doesn’t really relish being blackmailed.  Not that he’s telling her that.  They narrowly escape being caught by Edie, but Gaby quick talks her way out of it.  In Carlos’ mad dash to get home before Edie, the “crime wave” occurs. Heh.

The gals gossip about Dillon and her strange amnesia.  Catherine comes up, calls them out on gossiping, and suggests they do something (a lunch) for Lynette.  Then Bree and Catherine fought over who was bringing desert.  Apparently, Bree ALWAYS makes desert.  And Bree just wasn’t going to let it go.  It’s a battle for perfection.  This can only get uglier.  Meanwhile, Lynette is getting her chemo treatment.  Tom is being a little sappy about Lynette’s ordeal.  He wants her to feel good, so bad that he lets her win at cards.  So what does she do?  She kicks him out of her treatment.  She wants him to distract her, not depress her.  Poor Tom.  It’s Edie’s birthday and she bought herself a car.  A present from Carlos!  Except, Carlos says he can’t afford it.  She wants him to use his offshore account and he can’t do that because, you know, it being all illegal and secret and all.  She goes to return the car and has the idea for the perfect gift, right in his price range.  Uh oh.  Susan drops in on Catherine and we get “Flashback City”, where we see the day Catherine was leaving Wisteria Lane.  Susan and Mary Alice were befuddled at Catherine’s abrupt departure.  Back in present day, Susan tries to ask about the circumstances surrounding the departure but is summarily dismissed.  Mysterious? Or just plain rude?  Your call!

Mike is alarmed at how much Susan is eating.  He even says the “F” word (fat!) in front of her, which shows either how bold he is or how stupid he is.  Take your pick.  And Julie wants to go to a party at a friend’s house and Mike doesn’t think it’s a good idea.  This becomes something of a bone of contention between them and Julie says she can go since her mom already told her she could go.  Susan, realizing she has to side with someone, sides with Mike.  Julie is peeved and this only serves to make her madder at Mike.  Ahh, stepchildren.  Dillon meets Mrs. McCluskey and of course doesn’t remember her.   She makes a comment about Dillon’s dad and she’s surprised.  As far as she knew, her dad died or left when she was little.  But, apparently not?  The gals all gather for Lynette’s tribute dinner.  However, there is something wrong with Bree’s pie.  It’s not hers, she insists.  Yeah, it’s Catherine’s.  She snuck hers in.  Oooh, that’s dirty.  And meanwhile the attention is completely stolen from Lynette.  Nice one, ladies.  Lynette tells them about kicking Tom out for being sappy.  She needs a new chemo buddy.  All the girls step up to the plate and offer themselves.  Except Gaby that is.  And no one is surprised.  Are they?

Orson is appraised of Catherine’s pie incident.  Bree is furious, as you can expect.  Orson is possibly the only man alive who could understand and sympathize with Bree.  According to her, this is war.   Her identity is being stolen and Bree is having a crisis.  Lynette confronts Gaby about her lack of volunteering for chemo buddy.  Gaby admits that she doesn’t like hospitals and that’s why she didn’t step forward.  Lynette sees it almost as a test of their friendship and Gaby is unable to back down once that line is drawn in the sand.  Over at Susan’s house, she talks to Julie about the whole party thing.  She’s going to let Julie go (BOO!) as long as she doesn’t tell Mike that Susan changed her mind.  Of course, this will NOT help the stepfather/daughter relations anyhow.  Way to undermine there, Susan.  Bree drops in on Catherine, to bring her a housewarming gift.  It’s a recipe for mincemeat pie.  She asks for the lemon meringue recipe in return and Catherine tells her she doesn’t share that particular one.  Nasty!  Bree insists that Catherine is trying to get off on the right foot with her.  Catherine out-smiles Bree in this round, and you can see Bree rapidly unwinding before our very eyes.

Susan has a big surprise for Mike.  What is it?  Lingerie!  And big boobs.  He’s impressed.  They’re getting it on when Mike brings up Julie and the party.  Uh, timing?  Maybe Mike IS stupid.  Mike mentions driving by that very night and seeing the party was downright out of control.  Susan is of course very upset by this news and offers to run out and get whipped cream.  She grabs a coat and off she goes.  Yeah, he’s definitely stupid.  Carlos presents Edie with a birthday cake and she gives him a card.  It says YES!  The question?  “Will you marry me, Carlos Solis?”  It’s affordable, after all.  She’s doing this for him.  She couldn’t testify against him if she was his wife.  TOTALLY blackmailing him.  So, he says yes.  Or rather, “Fine”.  Dude, you got yourself in DEEP here.  Over at the raging party, Dillon and Julie are talking about this mysterious dad thing.  Susan drops by at that very minute.  And guess what, the birthday boy thinks she’s the hired stripper.  LOL!  Susan finds Julie toute suite and demands to take her home.  She takes Dillon with her while she’s at it.   Julie all indignant about it, as most teenagers are about such things.  Besides, she was drinking orange soda, not beer!  Ugh.  Teenagers.

They get home and Julie is all in a snit.  She’s confused.  Of course she is because consistency is a foreign word to Susan.  You can’t blame Julie too much.  She wants Susan just to make a decision and stick to it.  She promises to be honest from now on.  Except for explaining to Mike where she picked Julie up from.  Mike, of course, calls her on it because apparently he’s not THAT stupid.  So then Julie and Mike bond over shared indignance over Susan’s lies.  Oh HA! She tries to explain to Mike why she’s been so wishy washy.  And he’s pretty understanding.  And he tells her in no uncertain terms that the new baby is going to be a different matter, because he’ll DEFINITELY get a say with that one. Over at the hospital, Gaby is being a poor chemo buddy.  Apparently, not so good at distracting Lynette.  She’s definitely distracted by the surroundings.  Lynette tries to instigate gossip while Gaby keeps trying to come up with reasons to leave the room.  Lynette is obviously hurt by this.  She wonders if Gaby cares at all.  She tells her to go ahead and go.  Gaby looks about ready to and then she shares the story of her father.  He had cancer too, apparently.  It’s a pretty sad story.  And kinda explains why Gaby has a really hard time in the hospital and around cancer in general.  Aww.  Okay, Gaby is redeemed.  At least on the chemo buddy thing.

Dillon looks through a neat little scrapbook her mother made for her and notices a distinct “cutting out” of her father in a picture.  And Bree is determined to find out Catherine’s secret recipe.  Unable to find it herself, she was going to just use her key (cuz of course she has a key to everyone’s house), and let herself in and steal the darned thing.  Something tells me Catherine will have thought of this.  And… she has.  There’s a padlock on the recipe box.  So she visits Mike really quickly.  And borrows some bolt cutters.  LOL!  Dillon is confronting her mother about her father as they come home and while Bree is in the act.  She hides and listens in on the argument.   Catherine rewards Dillon’s curiosity with a slap.  Husband #2 is a bit on the disapproving side.  Bree leaves, sans recipe but armed with her illicit knowledge.  She runs home and tells Orson.  Like any good wife.  Carlos drinks a beer at the local establishment and commiserates his troubles to… a hitman.  HA!  There’s a chemo party going on at the hospital, organized by Gaby herself.  Everyone gathers together for a group picture and even looks somewhat happy together.  Sort of.  You know how it is.

Season 4 starts tonight!  And I’m going to be typing as I watch, in order to capture all of my impressions from start to finish.  So it’s sort of like a live-blog but not.

Previously on “Desperate Housewives”:  A lot of stuff happened.  Most importantly?  Bree is pretending to be pregnant to cover for Danielle who is away at boarding school.  Gaby married creepy Victor but had a steamy affair with Carlos at the reception.  Susan and Mike FINALLY got married in a simple ceremony attended by very few people.  Lynette was diagnosed with non-Hodgkins lymphoma and her mom came to visit.  And Edie made to hang herself at the very end of the show. Whew, you catch all that?

So we pick back up with Edie trying to kill herself.  Apparently she didn’t really want to die, but she wanted Carlos to feel bad.  Or stay with her.  Or whatever.  So she was pretty much just faking it.  She made it LOOK like she was killing herself. Of course, it sort of backfired when Carlos was waylaid by Mrs. McCluskey on his way upstairs to “discover” her.  Of course, Carlos does eventually get to her, and just in time.  And there’s some ominous noises about if he’d known what she’d do to his life, he’d have let her hang.  Hmm!

(Credits rolling and I see “Eva Longoria Parker”… gag.)  So here comes the ambulance which of course gets everyone all riled up and Susan, Bree and Lynette come charging into the hospital.  Meanwhile, Gaby is not enjoying her wedding night.  She’s sort of planning to run off with Carlos.  But of course, now Carlos is kinda busy with the whole Edie situation and he forgot to tell Gaby that he’ll “be late” or you know, not coming at all.  So he finally calls her and she wants to leave anyhow.  Of course, Carlos feels obligated to stay with Edie until she’s better or something.  Gaby of course gets all bent out of shape about this and is sort of stuck with the whole Victor thing now.  Ha!

And now we’re one month later.  Yep, a whole month!  Susan and Mike are celebrating their one month anniversary.  Can I gag again or is it too soon?  And in true Susan form, she’s not convinced that Mike is happy with their life together.  Even when he says he is happy, she doesn’t believe him.  I can promise her this, if she keeps it up, he won’t be happy.  Meanwhile, a moving van pulls up!  Bree is adjusting her belly and Andrew is very skeptical of the farce.  He’s sure that people will find out but Bree insists that they won’t.  She just won’t have people knowing that her daughter got knocked up out of wedlock.  It’s not proper.  Over at the Scavo house, Lynette is without hair.  Seriously.  NO HAIR.  And she can’t find her wig.  She’s frantic to find it because no one knows.  Her kids, her friends, etc and so forth.  Victor, meanwhile, is selling Gaby’s old house.  She takes exception to this, not wanting to sell it quite yet.  Victor doesn’t understand her ties.  So everyone by this point has noticed the moving van and has congregated to discuss and speculate.

Ooh, the new people pull up and… it’s another redhead!  God save us all.  Susan knows her and calls her Catherine and rushes over to hug her.  It’s been 12 years since Catherine lived on Wisteria Lane.   Her husband arrives (the fabulous Nathan Fillion), and her teenage daughter presents herself.  Dillon, I think her name is.  Straight off, there’s sparks between Catherine and Bree, as well there should be seeing as how they’re two peas in a pod.  Catherine announces she’s having a barbecue on Saturday and is invited all the neighbors.  And she actually refers to Bree, Gaby and Lynette as “newcomers”.  Ha!  Oh, she’s a peach alright.

So Bree and Orson are shopping for shoes (at Macy’s of course!) and run across an old lady who wants to touch her belly and “jiggle” it to get the baby kicking.  Bree practically comes to blows with the lady trying to get her to not touch the belly.  To be honest, people need to just NOT touch people’s bellies.  Susan is at the gyno’s office (for a checkup, she assures the nurse) and the doctor is Catherine’s husband.  Susan feels justifiably awkward about having her neighbor ogle her goodies.  It’s a pretty funny scene.  Lynette is at a school play and a friend corners her just as she’s adjusting her wig.  Ha!  She’s pressured to chair an event for the third grade.  If someone tried that with me, I would deck them.  Her mom gives her a hard time for not playing the cancer card to get out of it.  And Grandma wants to duck out after the lights go down.  Nice, huh?  Back to Susan, her tests are normal (eh? so soon?  mine take weeks to get back), for the most part.  He starts quizzing her about going into menopause and Susan kind of freaks out about that.  She wants the blood test to rule it out.  I can just about see where this is going. Meanwhile, Lynette is fading fast.  She’s sweating and looking real awful but doesn’t want to leave.  She says she’s going to be sick and then she is, right in some lady’s purse.  HA!  Turns out, it was the gal who pressured her earlier so all’s fair, right?  Who knew cancer could be funny?  (groan)

So we’re at Catherine’s extravagant “barbecue” (I swear it’s catered) and she runs afoul of Mrs. McCluskey.  She accuses her of skipping town without even saying goodbye.  Hmm!  Susan is still sensitive about the whole menopause thing.  So apparently she hasn’t gotten the results of that test yet even though her other tests came back lightning quick.  Julie greets Dillon and the latter is less than enthused.  Dillon is sort of a bitch.  Well, now that Danielle isn’t here, someone has to be.  Susan finally spills the menopause beans to Mike and he tries to comfort her about it not being a big deal.  She’s worried about him wanting kids.  He assures her he’s fine if kids aren’t part of the plan.  She’s just too neurotic for words.  Can the woman just NOT be happy?  At the same time, Edie is home from her “clinic” and looking a little tender.  Everyone comes and greets her with enthusiasm and she’s obviously clinging to Carlos for all she’s worth.  And she thinks the party is for her (in true Edie form).  (And did I detect a hint of her true British accent there?)  Catherine introduces herself to Edie and Edie welcomes her to her party.  Ha!  Gaby meanwhile confronts Carlos about getting married to Edie, even though Carlos assures her they AREN’T.  Gaby is feeling neglected, Carlos assures her he’s still very much into her.  He wants to get away with her that night and they go for some quick necking.  Of course, he just wants an affair because he has to be back at midnight to give Edie her pills.  Gaby is, again, annoyed.  I’m sensing a trend.

Bree is on the phone with Danielle, arguing.  She unknowingly skewers her belly on a fork and a little old lady alerts Catherine’s gyno husband Adam to come check her out.  Orson and Bree brush them off insisting it was a “trick fork”.  Whew!  Meanwhile, the psycho mom comes back to pressure Lynette some more about helping out since she’s apparently not pulling her weight.   Lynette is feeling so tired, it’s amazing not everyone notices it.  Orson is upset about the situation, and wants to give up the charade.  He wants to feign miscarriage and have Danielle raise the baby, but Bree won’t have that because she knows that Danielle is a horrible person and selfish.  Turns out, Bree wants a second chance to raise a decent child.  Third time’s the charm?  Lynette finally tells psycho mom that she needs to back out and the lady gives her serious grief about it.  Lynette tries to be honest and says she’s not feeling well.  The lady still isn’t on it.  Finally, Lynette takes off her wig and says she has cancer.  The lady backs off instantly but not before her friends all see Lynette sans-hair.  They’re stunned.  Shocked.  Disappointed she didn’t tell them sooner.  She was afraid of their pity.  Apparently, she missed the love in there somewhere.  So she says, they need to make a pact.  No more secrets.  They all are in, despite EVERYONE having a secret (except Lynette now).  These women are something else.

Gaby brings Victor some wine, telling him she’s not happy and want to talk.  Says she feels she doesn’t come first with him.  He’s happy she’s finally opening up to him.  She wants to go away with him, get away from it all for a while.  The soonest he can get away?  April.  She doesn’t look enthused.  Carlos wants to go out for a while, and Edie wants to go with him, she’s HOVERING big time.  He meets Gaby back at their old house where they get hot and heavy.  Julie and Dillon are reminiscing, except that Dillon doesn’t remember ANYTHING.  She tells Julie about a creepy dream she had about a guy in her room that is trying to grab her.  But that’s it as far as early memories go.  Julie looks notably suspicious.  Meanwhile, Adam comes over to talk to Susan and tell her he’s sorry.  Her estrogen levels are fine, no menopause for her!  Apparently?  Susan is pregnant.  Mike walks in just in time to hear that much and both of them are flabbergasted.  Mike is thrilled and Susan looks visibly relieved.  And now she believes Mike when he says he’s happy.  I sure hope so.  Carlos is sleeping on the couch, where Edie finds him.  She mentions him not telling her about an offshore bank account of his.  Carlos looks worried, not the least about Edie going through his stuff.  He’s worried about her turning him in, in light of his past crimes.  So she’s sort of blackmailing him to stay with her.  Typical Edie.  Oh Carlos, what have you done?

We finish out with everyone thinking about their respective secrets (and sipping their coffee (or water in Susan’s case)).  Julie mentions her concerns about Dillon to Susan, she doesn’t think Catherine’s daughter is Dillon.  I don’t know if that literally or figuratively, but it wouldn’t be Wisteria Lane without a mystery.  We see Adam come up on Catherine in an empty room.  Some thing did happen to Dillon in this room.  And they don’t want her to know about it.  Dun dun DUN!

Yep, I’m gonna be here (Pacific time zone of course), sharing with you all my moment-by-moment impressions of the “Desperate Housewives” season finale tonight! If even half the rumors are true, it should be an amazing evening. So stay right here and stay tuned. And I’m going to try not to think of what I’m going to do (not mention what I’m going to write about!) all summer long without my “‘Wives”!

Without further ado:
9:00 - OOH, the promo for the ep looks GOOD. And hallelujah, the return of BREE!

9:01 - The wedding setup looks awesome. I mean, talk about dream wedding. And, of course, Gabby is your typical bridezilla. Bah. I almost hope Carlos and Victor both throw her off a bridge. Wee! Here comes Bree!

9:02 - HA! I knew it!! Pregnant!

9:06 - Ah, the old “Three Days Earlier” thing. Good times. Edie - manipulative but with pangs of guilt. Gabby - still amazingly selfish. Susan - fun to see her planning a wedding with Mike for a change.

9:08 - Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. *gulp* Lynette seems to be handling it pretty well, but we all know that what lies below is often more complicated. They’re strapped for cash? What about the booming biz the pizzeria was doing (until Chef Guy was fired?)?

9:10 - Wait, WOAH. This isn’t Orson’s child? You know, makes me wonder if it’s not her daughters baby. You know, like on “All My Children” when that creepy fertility doctor took Erika’s aborted baby and implanted it in his wife? *shrug* I just don’t see a) Bree cheating on Orson or b) him being that okay about it.

9:11 - OR (here’s a brain wave) maybe she’s pretending to be pregnant so people will think she’s going to have a baby and Danielle is hidden away somewhere and Bree and Orson plan to raise the child as their own. Maybe!

9:13 - Victor’s dad looks about five years older than him. Which is more a dig at Victor than it sounds.

9:16 - Kay, I am loving Mike and Susan together and happy. I mean, yeah they’ve got issues. But they’re adorable. Being with Mike actually makes me like Susan more. WOW.

9:18 - Wow, Lynette’s mom is a piece of work. I mean, WOW. Not remembering how many children her own daughter has? How old they are? Okay, I can see now why Lynette didn’t want to tell her mom. I would probably change my name and move under the cover of darkness to hide from that woman!

(for more liveblogging goodness, click the link below)
(more…)

I am FINALLY back in business (spent most of yesterday getting everything (and I mean everything) reinstalled) and so happy to have my laptop back it’s not even funny. Sunday’s episode title “What would we do without you” takes on special meaning for me this week. What would we do? Go more than a little crazy, it would appear. So let me say thank you for hanging out and being patient and let’s get on with the long-awaited recap.

I’m not going to recap like I normally do since I already have pointed you in the way of some very fine recaps earlier this week. Instead, I’m going to give you a list of some of my impressions. And I had a few (go figure!).

• Gabby just BUGS me, you know? It is stinky of her to just poach Susan’s wedding, even if Susan was cancelling it. It’s one thing if someone you don’t know does it, but she was her friend. So I could not blame Susan at all for being PO’d.
• Also, it’s too bad the idea of the double wedding got nixed. That could have been fun, I think.
• Yeah, Gabby is SO marrying a closet abuser. She better think twice before saying “I do” is all I can say
• I had a hard time feeling sympathy for Lynette for most of this episode. The other guy wasn’t even that cute, Tom is a little demanding and they’re at a rough patch but she doesn’t have to act like he killed her best friend either. I mean, for pity’s sake, they’re married.
• That said, BUMMER on the possible lymphoma. And I’m pretty sure it’s gonna pan out to be lymphoma (you heard it here first!) (heh) and that pretty much sucks for everyone involved. Still, will be interesting to see how the story evolves.
• Enjoying seeing more of Edie, even if she’s horribly manipulative. I think it’s awful what she’s doing to Carlos though. Poor guy just wants a kid to raise. I hope he finds out and busts her ass.
• Susan was tolerable during this episode. No one is more surprised than I am.
• Next week? SEASON FINALE! And BREE is BACK! Two very good reasons to liveblog, so meet me back here Sunday night (Pacific time, of course) and we’ll dish the goodies.

Thanks for sticking in here and being so patient with my technical difficulties. You’re all the best!

Wow, I find myself disgusted with so many of the “Housewives”, that I don’t know what to think anymore. Not that these ladies were ever pillars of morality and wise judgment, but come on. Generally, I’m able to count on Lynette to provide me safety from the storm, often the lone voice of reason among these women. But last night I was pretty annoyed with her. I get that they’re trying to show that she was feeling lonely, unappreciated, etc and so forth. But I had a hard time finding sympathy for her when she was so upset. During one of her late night meals with Hunky Chef, the restaurant was robbed by thugs and Lynette and Hunky Chef were forced into the freezer. My husband was annoyed that they didn’t use the emergency handle release which he spotted on several occasions in those scenes. Anyhow. The next day, Tom finds Lynette and all is well. Until he watches the security tapes and sees the cozy dinner in progress. Lynette tries to wave it off, but Tom is no idiot so he confronts Hunky Chef. He’s assured that nothing has happened yet and Tom urges Hunky Chef to quit. Or else. Hunky Chef spills the beans to Lynette who is a little too blase about the whole thing, mentioning how she enjoyed the attention. Hunky Chef seems like maybe he was interested in a little more. And then she gets mad, because he “ruined” everything. She wanted a flirtation, not an affair. DUH! But now she can’t have that anymore and has to fire him. She cries to herself in a hot bubble bath. Boo hoo. I’m sorry, but sheesh.

Gabby then makes me want to scream. She gets a parking ticket, rightly so, while out shopping with her annoying gay friend. The meter guy warned her as she approached the car that she should stick in a quarter but since Gabby was leaving, she didn’t bother and instead finished out her conversation with her friend. Then was SHOCKED when the meter guy wrote her a ticket. She so deserved that. Then, when Victor wins the mayoral election (and Gabby reacts with a pretty undignified launch into Victor’s arms), she realizes she’s the First Lady of Fairview and doesn’t have to take nothing from nobody. She actually seeks out the meter guy and parks in front of a meter. A scuffle ensues and Gabby is arrested. HA! Victor is pretty pissed at her, as he should be. He reminds her that now that he’s mayor, she needs to comport herself in a reasonable sort of manner and assaulting public servants is out. Then he spots the bruise on her wrist that meter guy gave her and gets all mad. Later? Some thugs go take out the meter guy by beating him up in a parking lot. So does this mean that Victor has mob ties? Or just that he’s a vindictive sort of asshole? Cuz I’m okay with either.

Meanwhile, Travers father is back in town and ready to take his son back home. But when Carlos seems less interested in hanging out with Edie now that Travers is leaving, Edie decides she wants joint custody. She manipulates Travers into asking his father to give Edie the joint custody (via the use of a cute puppy that NO WAY did she get at the pound). The father is pretty pissed since the arrangement always worked so well in the past and this throws a huge wrench into things. Travers and his dad live 400 miles away and shuffling back and forth is bound to cause a strain on the poor child. Edie’s reaction? He’ll get used to it. Nice, huh? Carlos sees what this is doing to Travers and correctly assesses the situation. He assures Edie that he’ll be there for her, Travers or no. Poor, poor Carlos. You should have run while you had the chance.

And then there’s Susan. Dear, poor, stupid Susan. I want to slug her, just once. She finds out that Mike has gone camping up at some hot springs and decides to track him down and profess her love to him. She’s assigned to a guide, a completely reasonable woman who has zero patience for Susan’s antics. After having to listen to Susan prattle on about her man troubles all day (and rescue the accident prone nutjob more than once), the guide snaps and tells Susan that she’s a drama queen. Her life is in turmoil because she makes it that way. Things looking happy? Susan stirs up the drama. And you know what? It’s so true. So true, in fact, that it makes Susan pretty miffed so she ditches her guide and takes off on her own. You know, essentially proving what the guide said is completely true. Dumbass. Of course she gets hopelessly lost and sprains her ankle. Lucky for her, Mike hears the guide and the ranger discussing the “ditzy klutz” and he goes and finds her. Happy ending? God, let’s hope. I don’t think I could take much more.

So that’s that. We inch closer to the finale. I’m looking very much forward to seeing Bree again, how about you?

Gosh, I feel like I’m getting spoiled with all these new episodes, how about you? Last night was a good one, one that saw the revealing of Mrs. McC’s big secret at long, long last. Parker convinced her to spill the beans since he was so tired of seeing her being victimized by the neighborhood. Because of course, even though the police let her go the tongues were wagging with speculation against her. Turns out? Her husband died of natural causes in the middle of the night and before she could call the coroner in the morning she discovered he’d never changed the beneficiary on his pension plan from his first wife (who he’d been married to a measly two years) to her (who he’d been married to for 30 years). Whoops! Knowing she couldn’t afford to lose it all, she put him in the freezer so that she could keep her house. The only thing left unanswered is what happens to her money now? Will she still get the checks? Cuz I think that’s a little unlikely. But whatever.

Gabby learns about Edie and Carlos at her own engagement party and has the audacity to be outraged by it. She snubs Edie and convinces Lynette and Susan to snub her too. Of course, Edie is furious and hires Lynette to cater her son’s birthday party and Susan to come sign children’s books. The girls think they’re in the clear since Gabby is going to a “thing” with Victor. But Gabby comes home early and suspects her friends. They try to hide from her in a “House of Reptiles” van, but a spitting tarantula makes them think otherwise. Gabby throw a huge shitfit and is on the verge of ruining poor Travers’ birthday party when Carlos hauls her off to have a heart to heart. He reveals that he is just having fun with Edie which makes Gabby happy because obviously she still has Carlos’ heart. Which makes my stomach churn because, HELLO!, it’s not like she’s engaged to someone else or anything. Ugh.

Lynette continues the flirting with Mr. Ex-Druggie and that’s also making my stomach churn (maybe it’s a bug?). He’s not THAT cute, his cooking can’t be THAT good. I feel sorry for Tom, I really do. Kayla spies the two of them together and alerts Tom to the situation. He tells Lynette that he wants to return to work and they can let the new guy go. Lynette hems and haws and basically confirms poor Tom’s suspicions. She should be ashamed of herself. (Listen to me, the morality police!)

And then there’s Susan. Poor, poor Susan. She’s still determined to ignore both men. That is, until she goes commando on some poor guy in a parking lot and gets sent to anger management therapy. Doesn’t take long for the therapist to uncover her problem; she’s got man trouble. Susan thinks this means that ultimately she loves Ian so she tells Mike her decision and runs into Ian’s waiting arms. Problem solved, right? Well, then Mike leaves a depressing goodbye message on her machine and Ian overhears her listening to it not once but twice. Knowing when his goose is cooked, he packs up and leaves. Just like that! He’s headed back to England. Uhm, okay. But! Now Mike has left as well! Whatever shall our bold heroine do? From the previews for next week’s show, looks like she climbs a mountain looking for him. Fun!