Desperate Housewives

Previously on “Desperate Housewives”… go read the recap if you really, really want to know.  The most important thing: Lynette got high and made a fool of herself in front of the whole neighborhood at a charades party.

We start out with Katherine’s Aunt Lilian coming home to die.  She’s agonizing about what happened all those years ago and wanting to tell Dylan what happened.  Katherine of course will have nothing of it.

Then we meet “Bob Hunter”.  Who hates living in the city.  He hates the bests that live there.  And, shock of all shocks, he and his gay partner decide to move to the suburbs.  Susan of course comes to introduce herself as they’re moving in and is rather obtuse to the notion that they’re gay at first.  And, of course, makes an ass of herself.  I’m saying “of course” a lot, aren’t I? Anyhow, my main point here is that it is no surprise that Susan makes an ass of herself.  That’s just what she does. Over at Bree’s house, Danielle is getting a delivery.  A shiny red scooter.  Besides it being a scooter, Orson and Andrew both love it while Bree wants to donate it to the church.  The men look horrified though Orson toes the line as best he can.  Lynette looks happy, having been off chemo for a week.  She’s feeling frisky again too.  Tom of course takes her up on it right away (there’s that “of course” again).  During “things” her wig slips and hijinks ensue.  She takes it off and Tom is kind of horrified.  Because, you know, she’s bald.   This is pretty funny.  Sad and funny.  I can understand how Tom feels though, that’s an AWFUL lot of bald.

Back from commercial, the girls are trying to talk Bree into having a baby shower.  She thinks it’s tacky when it’s not the first baby (oh please).  During this, Orson is hotdogging up and down the street on the scooter and inevitably crashes it.   Andrew overhears the shower pleadings and offers to “help”.  Susan feels bad for her bad first impression on the new neighbors so she heats up some cookie bars to take to them because she feels guilty.  And because she can’t stand it when someone doesn’t like her.  Bob’s partner (whose name escapes me) asks if they have nuts in them and she’s unsure because of course she didn’t cook them herself.  He wants to know because he’s deathly allergic.  He finds out her “charade” and sends her back home with her store-bought cookies.  Mission: Failed.  Lynette is agonizing about the whole wig/sex thing and Gaby assures her that hair is important to men and that she has the unique opportunity to change her hair every night if she wants.  Lynette is getting a “checkup” (I think it’s a gyno, but not Adam), and she finds out she has crabs.  Carlos is horrified.  Naturally, because now he has to tell Gaby.  And Gaby?  Has to tell Victor.  Uh oh.  Except it would appear that Victor might already be “invaded”.

Lynette introduces her “new look” to Tom.  She’s sporting a red wig and plunging neckline.  And Tom is on like white on rice.  Over at Victor’s place, “Nurse Gaby” makes her move.  She’s in a sexy outfit under the guise of putting this crabs medication on his “stuff”.  He keeps noticing the medicine-y smell and is a little alarmed at the intimidating looking comb.  Over at Susan’s house, Julie has found the new neighbor’s dog and Susan is excited.  She figures if she holds onto the dog for a while, then she can pose as a great rescuer and be loved once more.  And then, Bree is surprised by a baby “party” (not technically a shower, of course).  She’s less than thrilled.  Rex’s mom is there as well so Bree’s nightmare is complete.  Dillon is doing some homework and Katherine leaves for a trip to the bank, leaving her home alone with Aunt Lilith.  Who, of course, wants to spill the beans to Dillon.  But just before she can, Katherine shows up unexpectedly and puts the kibosh on THAT.  We wouldn’t want to know everything, now, would we?

Tom lets Lynette know that he’d like another visit from the “redhead” but their daughter apparently gave the wig a haircut and the wig is gone.  He’s pretty disappointed.  Susan’s new neighbor is looking or his dog and Susan gives the pretense of helping him look for the pooch.  At her shower, Bree is trying to ignore the barbs being tossed her way from her former mother-in-law.  The woman does seem like a trial.  Bree has terrible trouble with mother-in-laws, doesn’t she?  Before leaving, she goes to retrieve her sable coat which had been given to Bree earlier.  Of course, it’s in the closet that holds all of Bree’s faux bellies.  OOPS.  Cat’s out of the bag on that one!

The truth comes out about Danielle’s “boarding school” and Phyllis is actually thrilled because she’s going to become a great-grandmother.  Bree doesn’t want her hovering like a grandparent since this baby is going to be passed as hers and Orson’s.  Phyllis is outraged by this and takes the opportunity to criticize Bree’s child-rearing tactics.  Insults are exchanged until Bree tells Phyllis that Rex always dreaded her visits.  She is about to spill the beans to the shower guests before she rethinks herself and decides to leave instead.  Dang.  Susan is making a great impression on her neighbor with helping him look for the dog.  He’s genuinely appreciative.  He argues with Bob about the dog getting out while Mike gets home, opens the garage door, and the dog runs out and… Susan is in the doghouse again.  She’s got to knock that stuff off.  With Gaby and Carlos, it seems that disaster has been averted.  Until Edie and Victor make each other’s acquaintance.  She smells the medication on him and puts two and two and two together until she figures out about the affair.   Ha!

Tom has purchased Lynette a new wig to “play” with.  She’s a little insulted that he wants to pretend she’s someone else.  When in actuality it’s just a little role playing.   Really, she’s upset he doesn’t like her bald.  He admits he wanted an escape from HER.  From her sickness.  And, naturally, she gets a little snarky about “his problems” before they find some common ground.  Then she agrees to give the wig a new try.  Except, he wants to give “just them” a try.  Aww.  Susan feels bad, of course.  And now Mike has to buy his neighbor a new suit (a $2000 suit).  He’s pretty upset about it all and now HE’S mad at Susan too.  Should have let well enough alone.  At the convent, Phyllis stops by to visit Danielle.  She… wants to break Danielle out.  ACK.  Can’t be good.  Aunt Lilian wants to talk and Katherine coldly shuts the door on her.  Dillon wants to talk with her mother, in the meantime.  But Lilian isn’t look so hot.  She decides to try to write out a confession (or whatever it is) and then promptly dies.  Very poetic.  Will Dillon ever find the note?