Desperate Housewives

This was a pretty fun episode, I thought. There were plenty of juicy nuggets to enjoy. As we learned last week, Julie and Austin have done the deed together and Julie (wisely) thinks she should be on the pill since the condom is only 85% effective (a statistic which surprises Edie, who thought she knew everything there is to know about condoms, apparently). However, if you’re under 18, you need a parents permission to get the pill. And obviously, Susan won’t be very open to the whole “having sex” thing. I have to wonder why she didn’t think about asking her dad since he seems a little more “cool” about that sort of thing. But for whatever reason, she and Austin approach Edie instead who easily agrees to pose as Julie’s mom. But of course, Susan finds out about the pills after all and gives Edie an earful after figuring out it was her who made the contraception possible. But then, Susan spots Austin getting hot and heavy with Danielle Van de Kamp. She lets Julie know that she knows about the pills. But that she’s not really going to get mad at her about that and gently lets her know what she saw. Julie takes her mom at her word and has a good cry on her shoulder. Poor Julie. I fear for Austin’s well-being.

On the prison front, Mike is jumped by a bunch of thugs in the weight-lifting yard. They start to whale on him pretty good, that is, until Paul shows up and schools them. Who knew Paul was such a kick-ass fighter? I sure didn’t. And that was awful nice for him to protect Mike (who, interestingly enough, has biceps that are twice the size of Paul’s, but whatever). Or maybe, it wasn’t nice at all because Mike learned from a talkative guard that Paul paid those thugs to attack him. Whoops!

Gabby is still getting gifts from her secret admirer. But the gifts are getting a little creepier. Especially when she finds a $6,000 dress INSIDE her house. Freaked out, Gabby asks Carlos to come sleep on the couch in case the nutjob breaks in while she’s sleeping. In the middle of the night, she catches a guy creeping across her yard. After Carlos dutifully tackles him, he admits that he’s not the admirer, but rather works for him. Gabby gets him on the phone and is invited to lunch the next day. Rather than shout a profanity or two and report him to the police as she should have, she accepts. And guess who it is? You’ll never guess. It’s Zack! Dana! The creepy kid! And he’s got HAIR now. Like, lots of hair. And lots of money, in case we had forgotten. His grandfather had left him that vast fortune which he has been putting to good use by sending Gabby enormously expensive trinkets. He points out to Gabby that he’s a few months older than John the Gardener. Which…ew! Gabby gives him a significant brush off right in the restaurant and I have a sinking feeling we haven’t heard the end of this. Zack is just creepy enough (he gets it from his non-biological dad) to get completely psycho about this. I wouldn’t send Carlos back to Mike’s house just yet, Gabby.

Over at the Scavo house, Tom doesn’t want to show Lynette the new pizzeria until it’s completely done. Because he knows she’ll find something to nitpick or criticize or somehow ruin for him. So what does Lynette do? She sneaks over there anyhow. And she learns that the pizzeria is lacking a liquor license. Apparently, the Scavo’s need a signed petition from the neighborhood first and there’s a lone holdout who doesn’t want drunk people wandering through his yard at night. Lynette’s on the case though. After he doesn’t budge when hearing about how Tom is out of work and this restaurant NEEDS to be successful for the good of the family, she flashes him her rack. And it works! Tom’s a little annoyed that Lynette butted in and solved the problem for him, but hey, now he’s got a liquor license! Whatever works, I suppose.

And, lastly, Bree learns about Alma buying the Applewhite’s old home. She tries to urge Alma to reconsider living in the neighborhood. When that doesn’t work, she has Orson go over and try to get her to pack up and leave. Alma wasn’t born yesterday, however. She wants Orson back and she told him that she’ll tell Bree what he did to Monique (?) and about how he ran over Mike (Gloria told her, though I wonder how Gloria knew?) if he doesn’t let her stay. So that’s that! Of course, Alma makes it seem to Bree then that Orson never asked her to leave. And when Bree is over visiting, Alma’s parrot dutifully chirps, “Don’t tell Bree” which makes Bree uber-suspicious. She then discovers a lose floorboard in the pantry underneath which is a photo of Orson and Monique together along with a pouch full of TEETH. Like, EW. So now she’s all worried about that. Which, frankly, I would be too. Because… EWW!

Desperate Housewives, episode recap, Not While I’m Around, ABC, sunday night