Desperate Housewives

Previously on “Desperate Housewives”:  Nothing really happened.  No, seriously.  I’m not even kidding.  Well, except for Carlos hiring a hitman.  That was cool.

We start off with Mary Alice waxing poetic about children playing together.  And how it’s like adults playing together.  Or some such silliness.  Susan wants to throw a “charades night” or something and no one really wants to go.  Then we’ve got Bree spreading the news of what she learned at Katherine’s house last on last week’s episode.  Except now they all want to go to the “charades night” because Katherine will be there and maybe they can get her liquored up and she might reveal something.  Sounds pretty flimsy.

Next we see Lynette’s mom cooking, which is apparently unusual.   She wants Lynette to get better.  Or actually, she wants Lynette to smoke marijuana.  I couldn’t make this up, people.  Mike is doing something handy in the garage, which is revealed to be making a crib.  From scratch.  Apparently, he’s a little excited, seeing as how Susan is still in the first trimester and all.  Susan comes to visit Bree, wanting the number of her obstetrician.  Of course, Bree doesn’t really have an OB, so she has to fib her way around it.  What does she do?  She writes down the number of a random doc from the phone book and hands it to Susan.  Cuz, you know, that’ll work.  Meanwhile, Katherine’s husband is flirting with some random neighborhood jogger and Katherine seems a little miffed by it.  Why do I keep forgetting his name?  Over at Gaby’s house, Carlos is getting dressed, ready to sneak out of the house.  Gaby is getting annoyed with the sneaking around.  He says he has a plan to get rid of her.  HA!  Yeah he does!  We come full circle to Lynette’s mom asking Andrew (yes, that one) to score her some pot for her daughter.  HA!

Orson alerts Bree to a phone call from the convent Danielle is staying at.  She fell while roller blading (yes, at 8 months pregnant).  She’s going to be examined to make sure the baby is fine, but in the meantime, she is to be sequestered in her room where she can take it easy.  Tom Scavo is all excited about charades night while Lynette is lackluster about going.  She’s not feeling so good, you see, with the chemo and all.  She’s far too competitive to just herself lose.  Andrew delivers “the goods” to Lynette’s mom so you know where this is going.  Susan is at the new doctor’s office only it’s totally skeeve city.  She’s afraid to even sit down in the chairs in the waiting room, it’s that bad.  The place sells lotto tickets.  Over at Lynette’s house, her mom has made some brownies.  Nope, not for the kids!  Heh.  She enlists Parker to deliver the brownies to Lynette, so she’d be assured to eat one.  Sweet, sweet victory.

Over at Katherine’s house, she’s getting ready to go to charades night with Adam (his name is Adam!)  Julie and Dillon are studying together and Dillon gives Julie the dish on what happened when she asked about her real day.   Julie wants to pick the lock on a room that apparently holds all the secrets.  And guess what?  Susan is late to her own charades night, due to being at an appointment in the hood.  Carlos mentions that Edie might be overdressed for charades.  She wants to announce her engagement at the party, he doesn’t want her to say a word.  She promises him she won’t say a word.  Then slips a giant ring on her finger.  Har.  Even Gaby and creepy mayor husband are going to the party.  Lynette is not at the party (yet), but Tom is there and ready to get busy.  Bree is drilling Katherine about her ex-husband and Gaby joins in until Katherine lowers the gate on the whole thing.  Edie comes striding in and immediately flashes the ring, which Bree notices right off.  Gaby is noticeably upset while Susan comes walking in.  She grabs Bree and away they march, Susan doesn’t look too happy.  Meanwhile, Gaby is pissed at Carlos and confronts him about it.  She tells him they’re through and that she can have any guy she wants.   Carlos then confronts Edie, but knows he can’t do much.  Yet.  In the kitchen, Susan is going off on Bree about the doctor.  Why did she send her there?  Bree says she can’t tell her.  Susan is plenty pissed.  Carlos is bitching on the phone with his hitman about how out of control Edie is.  Gaby flirts with Adam purposefully in front of Carlos.  Which works when Carlos smashes a glass.  And Katherine is mad too.  He “learned nothing” from Chicago, apparently.  There’s definitely friction there.  Edie tells Katherine then about Gaby’s reputation in the neighborhood.  Then, the games get underway.  There’s some strategic team selection going on.  Over at Lynette’s house, she’s cracking up watching Spongebob Squarepants.  Brownies kicked in!  Over at Katherine’s house, Julie is breaking into the “secret room” and Dillon is all impressed with her lock picking abilities.  Lynette shows up at the last minute.  She’s all nuts and everyone’s jaws are practically sitting on the floor.  She kicked over a lamp, ya’ll.

Charades is well underway and Lynette is up.  Unfortunately, she doesn’t do as well as she might normally.  She sorta drops the ball.  The clue was “Hang ‘em High” which she eventually got, but at the expense of any feelings Edie might have had.  Lynette’s mom shows up and she tells Tom about the brownies.  Tom has to go rescue the brownies from everyone in the room who has been helping themselves.  Gaby is knocked into Adam and she tries to help clean him up (spilt wine and all) and Katherine climbs all over her back.  It gets into a “who’s reputation is worse” contest until Gaby tells her about Bree seeing Katherine slap her daughter.  Katherine then says he did the worst thing a father can do to his daughter before storming out.  Everyone is pretty much aghast (except Lynette who is still pretty high).

Gaby talks to Victor about the whole “gardener” thing, hoping he’s not too upset.  He doesn’t want the news to get out and damage his political career.  You know, you think he would have researched his wife a little better before marrying her if it mattered that much.  Over at Katherine’s house, Dillon and Julie are sitting in “the room” and speculating when Katherine butts in and breaks up the party.  She doesn’t want Dillon to see Julie any more.  Orson tells Bree that the phone call from the convent said that fall Danielle had caused a placental abruption.  We don’t know what this means for the baby.  So they go rushing off to be with Danielle.  Susan is left unfulfilled.   Gaby kisses Carlos and then slaps him.  The slap was for letting Edie think they were engaged.  They’re back on because she loves that Carlos gets upset about losing her.  Unlike Victor.  Carlos touches base with his hitman.  It might take a week or two, but it’ll happen.  Ah, turns out he’s not a hitman, but a public accountant.  Dang.  That’s too bad.  Victor makes some comments about “making someone disappear” if they cheat on his wife.  Carlos gets the message and you start to feel a little bad for the guy.  I mean, it looks like he’s under an amazing amount of pressure here.

Orson gets another call.  After a tense minute, we find out Danielle is fine.  The baby?  I have no idea.  But Bree is definitely relieved.  The Scavos return home and Lynette confronts her mother.  Her mom just wanted her to feel better.  She doesn’t get why Lynette is making such a big deal about it.  Apparently, her mom was stoned throughout Lynette’s entire childhood and she doesn’t want to do that to her children.  She’s not sorry, she wanted Lynette to feel better.  She warns her not to do it again and she promises she won’t. End of story.  Bree is reflecting on her evening when Susan comes over, bearing cake and calling a truce.  Bree apologizes for snapping at Susan.  Susan just wants to know what’s going on.  Bree tells her there have been some complications with the baby and she thought she might lose it.  And she was still dealing with that.  They bond over the anxiety and terror they’re feeling during their “later life” pregnancies.  Cute.  Katherine is boxing up all the “memoirs” from the secret room.  Besides, Katherine’s invalid aunt is going to stay in that room.  Adam calls her on what she said at the party.  She said it so no one would ask questions.  So what DID her ex-husband do?  Katherine pulls up a rug and reveals a small gash in the hardwood there.  Then she cries.  Oooookay.  Cuz that’s not cryptic at all.